Monday, July 26, 2010


I have decided to get better. I know that yesterday I said that I didn't want to, but I think that it's the best decision for me now. Here is why:

- I can't concentrate when I'm using my ED symptoms. It affects my work and my school work. And I care more about my grades than being skinny.
- I have WAAAAY less sex drive when I'm using my symptoms, and it makes my romantic relationship with my bf suffer. And that makes our relationship suffer generally, which is bad.
- I have a hard time focusing on my other personal relationships when I'm starving/bingeing because I'm consumed with thinking about my ED and how fat I am, and therefore I isolate myself and have no friends.
- I lie all the time when I'm using my symptoms, and it makes me feel like crap because I'm deceiving those closest to me.
- I hate myself all the time when I'm using my symptoms, and that makes it hard to love anyone else  (like my bf).
- I am really moody and my mood depends upon my weight and how my diet is going. That makes me seem like a crazy person to my friends and family.
- My ED is fucking up my body. I really want to have kids some day and be healthy when I'm old. That's not as possible when I'm starving myself and destroying my organs.

The only things that my ED has done for me are:
a) Helped me organize and control my life
b) Helped me lose weight

So therefore, I need to get better. I want to have a life outside of my ED, and that's really hard right now. I want to enjoy life, to love my boyfriend, to do well in school, and to have children someday.

I will still post on here, but this will become a recovery blog rather than a pro-ED blog. I hope you guys will still follow me and comment, but I obviously understand if you don't want to anymore. I love you guys, and I won't encourage you to recover if you don't want to. I completely understand what you're doing (obviously, since I've done it too), and I know that most of you know that it's unhealthy. I just hope you're careful and don't end up dead :)

Stay strong everyone <3


  1. Good for you! I wish you a ton of luck with your recovery. I will still follow you & look forward to hearing about your progress & I'm sure you will find others who will also encourage you!

  2. Good for you. I'm glad to see that you still have enough of your head about you to weigh the pros and cons. Good luck! :)

  3. well i for one am really proud of you. I think that teh majority of the people on this site know that it is unhealthy, and many of us want to recover someday, and we wouldn't wish ED on any other person. Plus, I sometimes think of how great it would be to live without that constant need anymore. I really really hope you get better and i'll definitely still be reading. good luck to you and i'm always here if you need anyone to talk to (and i promise not to push you into any ED symptoms again) awesome job girl, hope everything goes great for you!

  4. This is so amazing to hear! Keep that list (the FIRST one) and add to it each day! I will definitely keep following you, because I know that making a decision is one thing, actually doing it will require continual support. If you don't want to read my blog because it's triggering, please don't worry about it. I wish I was as strong as you!

    Much love,

  5. It sounds like a good plan! Lol Ed taught you self-control and organisation skills while fucking you up the ass in the process. Time to pry the coc. . . Ok, that analogy went too far XD

    I'm here for you no matter what you do. Go hard, hun! You can do this! :)

  6. Aw, I'm so excited for you!! I know you can do this. :) Good luck lovely. You're so inspirational.

  7. Im so proud of you love, really. I wish i was that strong, but every time i´try to get better i fuck up.. But you are strong love, you can so do it !! Wuuhuu !

  8. i'm proud of you. it's TOUGH, let me tell you. i still haven't been able to recover. but i'm sure you can do it. good luck, my dear.

  9. I'm really proud of you hun. I recovered two years ago and relapsed. But you are MUCH stronger then me. Stay strong always xx

  10. Sweetie! This is an amazing turning point in your life and I'm SO proud of you. Lots of bloggers are turning healthy at the moment, which is wonderful to see. We'd never stop following you and supporting you just because you want to get better. I think it makes me want to follow you even more, darling. :]

  11. I am so proud of you, sweetie! You are a stronger person than I am :) I just don't know who I would be without my ED and I am too scared to find out. I am so excited for you that you are willing to discover who you are without ED. Of course we will all support you! You are one of those true inspirations here, the ones that choose to get out and get better. I wish you good luck on fighting the good fight, and I will be here for every step on your journey to cheer you on! xoxo