Monday, July 26, 2010
- I can't concentrate when I'm using my ED symptoms. It affects my work and my school work. And I care more about my grades than being skinny.
- I have WAAAAY less sex drive when I'm using my symptoms, and it makes my romantic relationship with my bf suffer. And that makes our relationship suffer generally, which is bad.
- I have a hard time focusing on my other personal relationships when I'm starving/bingeing because I'm consumed with thinking about my ED and how fat I am, and therefore I isolate myself and have no friends.
- I lie all the time when I'm using my symptoms, and it makes me feel like crap because I'm deceiving those closest to me.
- I hate myself all the time when I'm using my symptoms, and that makes it hard to love anyone else (like my bf).
- I am really moody and my mood depends upon my weight and how my diet is going. That makes me seem like a crazy person to my friends and family.
- My ED is fucking up my body. I really want to have kids some day and be healthy when I'm old. That's not as possible when I'm starving myself and destroying my organs.
The only things that my ED has done for me are:
a) Helped me organize and control my life
b) Helped me lose weight
So therefore, I need to get better. I want to have a life outside of my ED, and that's really hard right now. I want to enjoy life, to love my boyfriend, to do well in school, and to have children someday.
I will still post on here, but this will become a recovery blog rather than a pro-ED blog. I hope you guys will still follow me and comment, but I obviously understand if you don't want to anymore. I love you guys, and I won't encourage you to recover if you don't want to. I completely understand what you're doing (obviously, since I've done it too), and I know that most of you know that it's unhealthy. I just hope you're careful and don't end up dead :)
Stay strong everyone <3