Friday, July 16, 2010

Is it normal to be afraid of food?

I don't think that is normal... Today was an odd day. I got up at 6:30 am, even though I could have slept till 7:30 am, because the dogs barking woke me up. I was down a pound this morning to 174.8, which mad me happy :)

I went to work, and was less dizzy and lightheaded than usual. For the last week, since I started taking the green tea pills, I've been lightheaded after I take them. However, even though I didn't get as dizzy today, something else horrible happened.

Promise to not laugh?? Ok, here it is:
I lost control of my bowels. I pooped my pants. Thank god I was wearing a pad anyway (because of my period), or else my underwear would have been totally soaked instead of partially soaked. I ran to the bathroom as soon as it happened, and washed my underwear. It was horribly humiliating, and I am sooooo lucky that no one came in while I was doing it. I am so embarrassed. How does this happen? I'm not a baby! I have control of myself!

This has happened twice before, but once I was fasting (and therefore my body hadn't had anything solid to poop out in a few days, hence the liquid poop) and the other time I was abusing laxatives (nuff said). So why did this happen now?? Ugg. I ended up going home early because I felt humiliated, on top of feeling cold, shaky, and nauseated. I took an hour nap and now I'm feeling a little better, but I just can't get over the fact that I pooped my pants!

I know it's likely because of a) the green tea pills, b) the fact that I haven't been eating a whole lot, or c) all the soda I've been drinking and the gum I've been chewing (aspartame has a laxative effect). But if it's the green tea pills, why didn't it happen before today? Today was the fourth day of taking those pills. I just don't want this to happen again, which is why I'm trying to figure out why it's happening.

Sorry for the overshare...
Here is my intake for the day:
- Breakfast: 3 gummy vitamins (23) and Diet Sierra Mist (0)
- Lunch: 2 grapes (6) and Diet Coke (0)
- Dinner: Not yet consumed, but probably 200 calories of something
Total calories: 229

Or I might not eat any dinner, in which case the total calories would be 29. Who knows... I know I should probably eat something, but I'm scared to. Isn't that dumb?

I love you guys :) Sorry I'm not more upbeat today. Stay strong <3


  1. I have no thoughts as to what may have caused you to poop your pants, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I almost pooped mine today in Walgreens, and I ran so fast out of that store and back home, it was amazing.

    You're doing so well, though! Keep it up :) xoxo

  2. Probably not NORMAL, but certainly understandable. Sorry you had a rough day :( You're doing really well, though-- I don't know if I could have the control to eat 2 grapes. Or 2 very small anythings.

  3. Oh. My. GOOOOOOOD!!!! *Hugs* Bloody hell, panty liners RULE in moments like this!
    I've done it too. I had a massive flu at the time, and I thought it ha emptied me out before I went to work. Yeah, no. I met the manager of the hotel, (He is a lovely funny grandpa of a man) while I was crouched in the hallway with skiddy undies and vomiting yellow slime into the supervisor's rubbish bin. Chaaaarming.

    *Hugs* I hope you're feeling better tomorrow. You're not along in liquid scat shame moments :)

  4. Yeah, it happens to the best of us. Don't let it get you down. So lucky that you had your period though. Maybe they're useful for something? :) Chin up, lovely. <3

  5. So period is good for something :) I loove reading your blog because we are almost the same weight, so you really motivated me :)

  6. Glad I could make you feel better ^.^ Look on the really dark side, there's always someone more pissed off than you are!

    *Hugs* Have a great weekend!

  7. One time I was doing a Saltwater Flush(which are amazing btw) and sneezed and shat myself. Luckily I was alone in the house so I ran quickly to the bathroom. Those were my fav undies too :(