Friday, July 16, 2010
Is it normal to be afraid of food?
I went to work, and was less dizzy and lightheaded than usual. For the last week, since I started taking the green tea pills, I've been lightheaded after I take them. However, even though I didn't get as dizzy today, something else horrible happened.
Promise to not laugh?? Ok, here it is:
I lost control of my bowels. I pooped my pants. Thank god I was wearing a pad anyway (because of my period), or else my underwear would have been totally soaked instead of partially soaked. I ran to the bathroom as soon as it happened, and washed my underwear. It was horribly humiliating, and I am sooooo lucky that no one came in while I was doing it. I am so embarrassed. How does this happen? I'm not a baby! I have control of myself!
This has happened twice before, but once I was fasting (and therefore my body hadn't had anything solid to poop out in a few days, hence the liquid poop) and the other time I was abusing laxatives (nuff said). So why did this happen now?? Ugg. I ended up going home early because I felt humiliated, on top of feeling cold, shaky, and nauseated. I took an hour nap and now I'm feeling a little better, but I just can't get over the fact that I pooped my pants!
I know it's likely because of a) the green tea pills, b) the fact that I haven't been eating a whole lot, or c) all the soda I've been drinking and the gum I've been chewing (aspartame has a laxative effect). But if it's the green tea pills, why didn't it happen before today? Today was the fourth day of taking those pills. I just don't want this to happen again, which is why I'm trying to figure out why it's happening.
Sorry for the overshare...
Here is my intake for the day:
- Breakfast: 3 gummy vitamins (23) and Diet Sierra Mist (0)
- Lunch: 2 grapes (6) and Diet Coke (0)
- Dinner: Not yet consumed, but probably 200 calories of something
Total calories: 229
Or I might not eat any dinner, in which case the total calories would be 29. Who knows... I know I should probably eat something, but I'm scared to. Isn't that dumb?
I love you guys :) Sorry I'm not more upbeat today. Stay strong <3