Tuesday, July 2, 2013
So I did end up seeing another therapist. I found her through my insurances' websites and then also on the SAFE Alternatives website. I don't know if I like her. I'm about ready to give up on this therapy thing. I don't think that it's helping at all.
This month has been interesting. My depression has been a lot better, although I've struggled on and off with shame about the sexual assault and thoughts of self-harm. I did end up self-injuring last week, twice. Last week sucked, basically. I was super anxious the whole week. And here's why.
Back in March/April, I was super suicidal. I made a very specific plan for my suicide (place, method, time of day) and picked out a date. I made the date far in the future, because I was trying to give myself time to feel better. I figured, if the depression got better, then I wouldn't need the suicide date. Anyway, the date was July 1st. Yesterday. Obviously, I'm still alive. About a month after making the original plan, I caved and told a friend about it. Just telling her made me feel a lot better, and since my depression has improved a TON since then, I did not feel the need to die. Obviously. But the week leading up to July 1st was pretty stressful. I started thinking about suicide again and ended up self-harming. But it's over and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. So yay for being alive! Lol.
Moving on. I just finished my internship at the hospital. It was pretty amazing and I'm sad that it's over. I saw a ton of interesting people and interesting disorders. During the last half of the internship, I was able to see patients on my own, which was great. Especially this last month or two, I have had very little supervision, which was awesome! It made me feel like a real live social worker :) But then again, I'm glad it's over because there were some icky office politics that were getting ugly. This coworker and I got into several fights (she feels threatened by me, because I have more education than her and she is terrible at her job), and it just kept getting worse. So I'm glad that's over! Thank goodness.
That's about it!