Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I don't know anymore...

Hey guys :) I've been having a lot confusing thoughts lately. I have been eating normally for about a week, and it feels good. Once I got past the binge phase (I was so hungry and feeling deprived at first that I basically ate everything in sight), it was actually good. I have no idea what I weigh, and I don't want to know.

I tried to restrict today, and it almost worked out. Then I started thinking, why am I doing this? I am so unhappy right now. I become a different person when I am starving. I am withdrawn, unfriendly, and exhausted all the time. I am preoccupied with calories and counting and figuring out how much I want to weigh. It is just ridiculous. I think I will try to be normal for a bit. It might not work out, but I want to try to be happy again. I don't know why I try to self-destruct all the time. Is weight really everything?

I'm sorry to let you all down. I just hate my life right now and I want it to change. I love you guys :)


  1. I think it's important to do whatever it is that is going to make you happy. I hope you don't get any negative comments, because this is your body, your decision... I hope it all works well for you. :)

  2. you're not letting us down. or not me, at least. we do this for our happiness. you need to do what's right for you. if you're happier and more content eating, awesome. honestly, that's better for you and i know it'll make you happier in the long run. like i said, you have to do what is best for you. it's YOUR life, you're in control. make yourself happy. i hope to still hear from you no matter what! =]

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  4. Good luck, hun! We will all support you in whatever path you choose. Everyone here just wants to see people happy and making their own decisions. And if your decision is to try to step away from all this, then we will support you :) I commend you for your strength and bravery in this. I wish you all the best! xoxo