Couldn't Do It!

Ok, I couldn't do it. I can't leave you guys for a whole week! I admit it, I started reading your blogs again on Tuesday. I only made it three days. I have thought about recovery a lot this week (ok, the past four days, lol), and this is what I came up with. First, I made two food plans - one for restricting and one for recovery:

Restricting Plan:

- Breakfast: 4 strawberries (16 calories)

- Lunch: 1/2 cup Fiber One cereal (60), sugar-free Jell-O (10), string cheese (50), and 14 carrots (35)

- Dinner: 2 cups of salad mix (15) and 10 sprays of Wishbone Italian Vinaigrette dressing

If necessary, eat sugar free Jell-O and/or Fiber One cereal for a snack, and 100-200 calories of whatever food is being served.

Total calories: 474 calories maximum (with snacks and extra dinner)

Recovery Plan:

- Breakfast: Cheerios with skim milk (145)

- Lunch: Vegetarian burrito (fat-free refried beans, salsa, cheese, sour cream) (310)

- Dinner: Whatever is served, and skim milk (450 calories max)

Total calories: 1,025 calories

This isn't a lot of calories because I still want to lose weight, but maybe in the healthy way instead. This also leave room for snacks and cheating (ice cream, etc).

Both plans are tempting, and I kept going back and forth between them. Then I made pro/con lists of recovery and restricting, and I've italicized the important pros/cons:

Recovery Pros:

- Get my health back

- Feel happier

- Get to eat whatever I want

- People won't worry about my eating habits

Recovery Cons:

- Turn into a big binge

- Gain all the weight back

- Not know how to lose weight any other way

- Feel out of control

- Turn to other methods of control (cutting, etc)

Restricting Pros:

- Get thinner, and fast!

- Only way I know how to get thin

- Compliments from others

- Feel in control, superior, powerful

- Feel great to get skinnier

Restricting Cons:

- Not healthy for body and mind

- People worried about eating habits

- Hungry all the time

- Have to resist foods I love

- Uncomfortable a lot (because of laxatives, feeling dizzy, etc)

In the end, there were more important pros for restricting and cons for recovery. So starting on Sunday or Monday (don't know which one yet), I will start restricting again. I weighed myself on Sunday, and I was 180 lbs. That's actually pretty impressive, because I've basically been eating normally for three weeks, and have only gained five pounds. Not too horrible.

Well, this post is long enough. I'm glad to be posting again! Love you girls :)