Finals suck

Hey guys! I'm doing alright. I hate this normal eating thing. I feel like such a pig. And the horrible part is that I like it too! I was so excited that I got to eat things I've been craving, like cheerios and pasta. Is that bad?

I had a social psychology final this morning. It was one of those finals where I got the questions (5 questions) beforehand, and three questions were actually on the final, and I had to answer two. I could also write notes on the back of the question sheet and bring it to the final. Normally I would have prepared the heck out of it, but even though I'm eating, I still can't seem to concentrate. Even during the final this morning, I still felt lazy-as-fuck and didn't want to do it! What the fuck? The point is that I only prepared for the first two questions, and unfortunately, the last three questions were the ones that showed up on the exam itself. So I spent my two hours trying to formulate correct answers instead of having already prepared semi-coherent answers. I hope I did alright, because I need at least a 70 percent on the final to get an A- in the class. Thank god I have a bunch of extra credit, because if I didn't, I would need an 80 percent on the final, and I'm fairly sure that isn't going to happen. However, since I just got a psychology award, maybe my professor will like me more. I don't know.

Anyhoo, I only have one final left, and it's on Tuesday. I calculated my grade in that class, and I only need a 60 percent on the final to get an A- in the class. So basically, I don't care about the final. There is a review session tomorrow, which I think will help. But I doubt I will study a whole lot more than at the review session. I mean, why waste my time?

I'm thinking about starting restricting again tomorrow instead of Tuesday, but I don't know. I desperately want to, because I feel like a fat cow and basically want to die because I'm so fat. Last night I was trying to write my final exam at 1 am and I realized that I wanted to die. I think it might have been because I was so tired of writing my exam and I just wanted to go to sleep, but still. But then I thought, no, I don't want to die, because then I would be fat forever. I mean, who wants a fat corpse? Isn't that sad? I also had this thought last time I was in my eating disorder (when I was about 16), so it's nothing new. But I still was hoping that this time I wouldn't hate myself as much.

I also just wanted to thank you all for being so supportive of me :) I was afraid you would all think I was a fraud because I couldn't starve through finals, but you were all very nice. Madison, I would eat a burger for you, but I've a vegetarian :) I had a veggie burger the other day though, and it was delicious! Thanks, everyone, for all the exam good wishes. I hope I do well too.

Oh, and the gyno exam wasn't that bad. It was slightly awkward, but not painful and not horrible. Just thought I'd tell you all that :)

Think thin ladies! Hopefully I will be restricting again tomorrow. <3

EDIT: Oh hey, there's a new poll, you should check it out!! Love you all :)