Did I tell you guys that I told my mom that I'm on meds? To give you some background, my mom doesn't like therapists and therapy, and she HATES psychiatric meds. So it's already really ironic that I'm a psych major and want to be a school counselor. You know what she said when I told her?
"What, did those people you're living with con you into taking meds??"
Ridiculous! Then she went on a long rant about how I don't need medication because I'm JUST FINE without it, until I finally stopped her and said, "Mom, can you just be quiet and let me talk for a minute? I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions about my mental health!"
I calmly explained to her that I have been really depressed, anxious, and having problems with my eating. She was freaking out and saying how sad she was for me and how she wished she could do something. Well let me take the freaking meds and get over it then! My mom is a firm believer in the "ignore-it-and-pretend-it-doesn't-exist-and-maybe-it-will-go-away" method. It seems to work just fine for her, but it doesn't work for me anymore. Stuff doesn't just go away. That's how I ended up with chronic Achilles tendinitis instead of temporary Achilles tendinitis.
Anyhoo, my eating is going alright, but I'm eating a lot of junk unfortunately. I'm trying to not freak out about it, although it's hard sometimes. Today I ate Taco Bell for lunch, a Pay Day candy bar for snack, and pizza for dinner. Hmm, see a pattern here? I hope this pattern doesn't continue :( I haven't been counting calories though, and I haven't weighed myself... since Monday, lol. I weighed myself Monday, and I was 185 pounds. I guess that's alright. I'm not overjoyed about it, but I'm not miserable either. It's only a 10 pound gain from 175 (my cryptonite weight), so it's fine I suppose. Blarg. Recovery sucks ass sometimes, let me tell you. If I gain any more (over 190 pounds) I will definitely freak.
I love you ladies. Stay strong <3
Congratulations on telling your mom! I'm sure it must have been difficult for you, but it must feel so good now that she knows, even though she doesn't seem like she supports it. Good luck, sweetie! xoxo
ReplyDeleteHang in there, gorgeous. You did so well standing up to your mum, and staying calm about it. <3
ReplyDeleteStay strong. Congrats on telling your mom! I know that must have sucked. and yes, recovery sucks and sometimes I feel like it's only made my life worse...but it'll get better...i think...hope...
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Your mom's method of dealing with problems sounds like the rhythm method of birth control. NOT EFFECTIVE!! I'm sorry you can't have a more supportive mother, but it sounds like you are a strong, capable young woman! Go you!
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I do both.. Haha I take meds and believe that if you just dont talk about it, you really don't feel it. I know that's not true based on the fucked up dreams I'm having.. but hey.. Whatever works right? That's good that communication is opening up between you and your mom! It may really help you in long run, whether or not she agrees with you. Good for you, girl! Keep it up!
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