Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Telling my mom
Did I tell you guys that I told my mom that I'm on meds? To give you some background, my mom doesn't like therapists and therapy, and she HATES psychiatric meds. So it's already really ironic that I'm a psych major and want to be a school counselor. You know what she said when I told her?
"What, did those people you're living with con you into taking meds??"
Ridiculous! Then she went on a long rant about how I don't need medication because I'm JUST FINE without it, until I finally stopped her and said, "Mom, can you just be quiet and let me talk for a minute? I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions about my mental health!"
I calmly explained to her that I have been really depressed, anxious, and having problems with my eating. She was freaking out and saying how sad she was for me and how she wished she could do something. Well let me take the freaking meds and get over it then! My mom is a firm believer in the "ignore-it-and-pretend-it-doesn't-exist-and-maybe-it-will-go-away" method. It seems to work just fine for her, but it doesn't work for me anymore. Stuff doesn't just go away. That's how I ended up with chronic Achilles tendinitis instead of temporary Achilles tendinitis.
Anyhoo, my eating is going alright, but I'm eating a lot of junk unfortunately. I'm trying to not freak out about it, although it's hard sometimes. Today I ate Taco Bell for lunch, a Pay Day candy bar for snack, and pizza for dinner. Hmm, see a pattern here? I hope this pattern doesn't continue :( I haven't been counting calories though, and I haven't weighed myself... since Monday, lol. I weighed myself Monday, and I was 185 pounds. I guess that's alright. I'm not overjoyed about it, but I'm not miserable either. It's only a 10 pound gain from 175 (my cryptonite weight), so it's fine I suppose. Blarg. Recovery sucks ass sometimes, let me tell you. If I gain any more (over 190 pounds) I will definitely freak.
I love you ladies. Stay strong <3