Friday, April 1, 2011

Blah blah blah blah

Sooo... I've been checking my weight and fighting a lot of urges to starve again. But you know the funny thing? I'm eating what I normally do, and I'm losing weight. Not a ton, but I'm almost back to where I was when I was starving. I've lost three pounds since the starving incident on accident. Ha! It does exist! Lol. I'm resisting the impulse to not eat though. Honestly, it's all God. I don't talk much about my faith on this blog, but I know that God is protecting me and I have been asking for his help with the impulses every time they happen. And it works!

In other news, my friend Dana (the other friend involved in the Saturday night incident) tried to tell me that I have an alcohol problem. Like, what? She saw me eating alone yesterday at lunch, and she came to talk to me. We talked a little bit about what had happened Saturday, and then she told me that she thinks I need to watch my drinking and that she's just looking out for me. She had another friend who had to leave the school because of her drinking, and apparently she sees the same stuff in me. I repeat, what? Seriously, if anyone was going to tell me that I had a drinking problem, it would have been last semester, when I was binge drinking to the point of fuzzy memory and blacking out on both days, every weekend. And no one did. Why now?? This semester I have drank a total of 5 times. All five times were with Jamie (my ex-best friend). One time I drank before a show because I was afraid I would freak out during it if I didn't (it was the Vagina Monologues and there are monologues about rape, so I was nervous). The fourth time, two weekends ago, someone called me a slut and alluded to the night I was raped, and I freaked out and ran away from my friends because they weren't being helpful. And then the fifth time was that Saturday incident last weekend. And yes, sometimes I do go over my limits. I'll say I'm going to drink 4 drink and I have 5. Big fucking deal. I don't have a freaking alcohol problem. Do I? What do ya'll think?

Other than that, it's been smooth sailing. This semester is fairly easy. Only 3 classes and very few other commitments  It's nice! So I guess that's it :)

1 comment:

  1. People seem to be very selective in what they notice. Binge drinking here is so much a part of the culture that I swear we're a nation of alcoholics!

    I'm so making a proper felt unicorn horn to wear in the future. It'll be a hoot!

    Lets find real happy. It's possible, right?