Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sorry it's been so long!
Not much to tell here. I had two job interviews last Friday and I found out this Friday that I didn't get either job. I only have one (out of nine summer internships that I applied for) internship that hasn't rejected me yet... I'm slightly freaking out. I realize that even if the summer internship doesn't work out, something will happen and it will be ok. God will take care of me. But that doesn't mean that I can just forget about my anxieties and be completely fine, just like that. Ha. Yah right.
I did a 36 hour prayer fast with the Christian Fellowship group at my college this weekend. We started at 8 pm on Friday night and just broke our fast this morning at 8 am. Yesterday we spent the whole day together, praying, having fun, chilling out, and fellowshipping. It was really fun! And just what I needed too, because I had a craptastic Friday, so it was nice to have a fun, relaxing Saturday. The fasting part was a little dangerous and challenging for me, because of my history with fasting. Fasting was my absolute favorite thing to do when I was restricting. I LOVED fasting. It made me feel powerful, superior, clean, empty, beautiful, strong. I loved the feeling of complete emptiness. I loved that I had the willpower and cunning to avoid eating for days at a time. I once fasted for five days before I broke down and ate. Of course, my fasts always ended in binges, but usually some of the weight loss stuck.
Anyhooooo... I had a little bit of a food issue yesterday. I found myself afraid to drink the gatorade that we had available. I kept thinking about the calories and felt like it was cheating. Every time I've fasted before, I only drank water. Eventually, I had to tell a friend that I was freaking out and after that I was more able to make myself drink some gatorade and not obsess over it.
Thankfully, I was ok when we broke our fast this morning. Except I'm SUPER full right now and my stomach hurts :( But it was totally worth it. We were praying mostly for homelessness, which was really good. It was nice to focus only on God for the whole day.
Other than that, nothing much has happened, at least that I can remember. Oh wait! I started hooking up with my friend Isabel again. We hooked up for a bit in October and then I started getting jealous of her boyfriend so we stopped. But she's graduating in three weeks (noooo!) so I decided that I would ask her if we could do it again. We hooked up last night and it was freaking amazing. I felt great afterwards. So good. I have no words to describe it. Aaaaaahhhhh.
But yes. That's it. Love you all! <3