Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I've been depressed lately (sorry I didn't tell you Sarah, I didn't want you to worry). For the last two and a half weeks, I've been totally down. Not really depressed, like last semester, but just enough depressed to make me annoyed. That's why I was so tired before, I guess. Within a few days, I went from normal to depressed and my self-esteem was flushed down the toilet, as was my work-ethic and motivation to get out of bed. And I started cutting again. It's ok though! I stopped! But there was about a week where I was having trouble. It wasn't bad, nothing like last semester, mostly because a) I'm not that depressed and b) I don't have anything dangerous to cut with. So it's been pretty lame, nothing serious. I think I just hit a rough patch and have been feeling really overwhelmed with school and stuff. I only have three classes, but I just added a new club and a nonviolent communication group, plus tutoring twice a week. So instead of my week being really leisurely, it's pretty busy except for the evenings. And my Sundays are busier than I would like as well, which makes me anxious because I like to relax on Sundays. Saturdays are for work and Sundays are for rest. Wrong. Oh well...
I think I'm beginning to pull out of it though. There were a few days when I needed friends to come over, but I think those are mostly over. Yesterday was a good day, and I wasn't overly sad or wanting to cut at all. However, I'm not sure if yesterday was good because I'm doing better or because I was busy taking care of my friend. She just broke up with her boyfriend (this is the friend who was going through the same things as I was last semester, with the hospital and stuff, and is now taking a vacation term) and is totally crushed. She is taking some time off school, but it's spring break so she's visiting this week. The point is that her douchey boyfriend broke up with her in a really horrible way on Monday night, and I didn't find out till Tuesday afternoon when she called me crying, saying that she couldn't go to the dining hall for lunch because she didn't want to see him (we were supposed to go to lunch together). Anyway, I was watching her/worrying about her all day, so there wasn't time for depression or cutting. I could have been depressed or cut after she and my other friend left at midnight, but I wasn't/didn't. So maybe I'm getting out of this crap! But really, it's not that bad. It could be a lot worse, trust me.
So that's that. How about some happy news? Yah! IT'S SPRING BREAK! F*** yes. I've stopped cursing so I can't say it. But yay!! I've waited so long for this week, and it's pretty sweet. I still have a ton of homework, but the relaxing is fairly amazing too. Mostly I'm enjoying the fact that my friends don't have homework due tomorrow so they can actually hang out whenever they want to! It's freakin amazing. I've been taking more time for myself too, reading the Bible, watching way too much Say Yes to the Dress (so... many... dresses...), and reading this book on nonviolent communication that the director of the Spiritual Life program lent me. I've been working too, and I'm trying to get all my homework for the day done at work, so then I can hang with friends and relax when I'm home. Yayayayayayayayayayayayayay!
Well, that's all for now folks. Btw, how do I have 120 followers? I'm not posting anymore! My follower count has increased since I stopped posting. Wtf?
Anyway, bye! Love you all :)