Thursday, March 24, 2011
I'm losing control
Possible weight loss started out as just a perk to the whole Lent thing. Then it blossomed into a desire to be healthier all around. I started not going back for seconds at dinner. Next I cut out half my breakfast. I went from cheerios with milk and toast with margarine, plus cranberry juice ---> toast with margarine and water. I started weighing myself again. It's getting obsessive. Just now, I weighed myself three times. Once with clothes on, once with clothes off, and once with clothes off after I peed. And I'm ridiculously excited about that last number, because it's four pounds lower than last week... not good. But continuing on: the past few days I've been eating less and less. Today I only had about 1000 calories. I counted. Which is also not good. And most of it was veggies. I'm losing control.
- Breakfast: Two pieces of toast with butter
- Lunch: Side salad (lettuce, cheese, croutons) with ranch dressing, Light and Fit yogurt
- Dinner: 3/4 of a bagel melt thing (half a bagel with pesto and melted cheese on top), cooked carrots and peas
And lots of water.
And the sad thing is that I can't stop. I want to. Kind of. That's the other scary part: I'm not sure what I want to do. I should be fighting this with all I've got. But instead, I'm on the fence. I almost didn't tell my friends. I knew I needed to, but I really didn't want to because I knew they would stop me from doing what I'm doing. Which they should! But I almost didn't want them to.
Normally, I eat grilled cheese for lunch. Eating a grilled cheese sandwich right now terrifies me. Crap.