Thursday, June 16, 2011

Therapy appointment :)

Wazzup? So I had my therapy appointment yesterday (Tuesday). It was pretty good! She seems nice. Her name is Sarah. We mostly talked about all the forms I filled out and my history. She seemed really focused on my cutting, which was weird. I guess it's bad or something. I don't know, I just think of it as normal, I guess. She said that a lot of times, women who self-harm have unresolved pain from their past. That sounds about right for me, so perhaps it is true. I mostly want to work on the stuff surrounding my rape, so she made me tell her what happened. We didn't get all the way through the story, but we did get to the part where I had to say exactly what that bitch did to me. Fuck. I HATE talking about that part. I am very open about everything else, but I am NOT open about a) what she specifically did to my body (or I guess, what she said she did, since I blacked out), and b) what she said happened (see this post for details). I DO NOT want to talk about that, especially to a stranger. It's funny, I have never had a problem telling complete strangers intimate details about myself. But something about my rape (and about my sexual abuse too, now that I think about it) makes me close off. I don't know why.

The other thing she said was that falling down the stairs and hitting your head can cause serious brain damage. She mentioned this because I told her that I fell down the stairs A LOT during the fall semester. I also fell and hit my head against the wall on the night I was raped. I fell down the stairs too that night. I guess I never realized that it was that serious... But anyway. We didn't get very far, but I have another appointment in about 1.5 weeks. I was supposed to schedule it sooner, but my schedule didn't mesh with hers.

This morning I participated in that study that I mentioned in my last post. It was fun! She just asked questions about my blog and stuff. You should all do it! She said that the more people she talks to, the better. She is just fascinated by the online community for people with eating disorders. I am fascinated by it too, so I can relate. I just think it's really cool that I could come here and talk about what I wanted, and people would listen and support me. So thank you, guys. You have no idea how much I appreciate you all and your feedback. I LOVE YOU! <3


  1. I'm happy you are going to therapy and so glad you like your therapist.
    I can imagine how hard it is to talk about the's probably still fresh in your mind and hurts... it takes real strength to talk about it to someone...anyone. I never talk about when I was was so long ago.
    At least you aren't falling UP the stairs! lol
    Love you!
    stay beautiful :)

  2. And thank you for the compliment babe! don't wish to be me! I think if we knew each other in real life we'd be great friends!
    xoxox stay classy babe!

  3. I'm glad your therapy appointment went pretty well. I'm never a fan of the get to know you stage of the therapy. It's kinda awkward. lol
    I hope she does end up helping a lot though.

    Love ya :)

    ~*~ Corey

    ps... i fall up stairs. but down sounds more painful. :/ i'm sorry

  4. Hey. I'm participating in that research too!
    Also, maybe you could type out the rape stuff, and bring it in like that, so you don't have to phsyically talk about it to her. I dunno..just a suggestion. It was what I did when I had stuff too painful to talk about.