Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Those who mind don't matter
Besides my sex life, I'm doing alright. I haven't cut since last Monday. My food stuff is going alright. I feel really fat, but I know that it's all in my head. I'm back to the weight I was at before I relapsed last semester, and that freaks me out. I've been weighing myself (I know, bad) because I have a scale in my room now. It's not mine - I borrowed it from a friend before fall break so that I could weigh my suitcase. I keep forgetting to give it back, but I really should do that soon. I need to stop weighing myself. About half the time, I can stop myself, but the other half of the time I can't.
Feeling fat all the time is really throwing me off. I feel like I can't wear a lot of my clothes, and that sucks. I like my clothes, but I feel too fat to wear them. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. The only time I feel really attractive is when I'm dressed up to go out on the weekends. I felt really pretty this weekend when I went out, and really sexy ;) It's nice to feel wanted.
I'm a little bit worried that I'm using sex to make myself feel validated and attractive, but I don't think that's true. Maybe a little bit. But isn't it nice to have people want you? It's definitely a self-esteem booster to know that I can get anyone I want. All I have to do is show off my body and flirt, and BOOM, I have a hook-up. I guess having huge boobs is finally paying off!
Well, my homework needs to be done :( I have an exam in psychology tomorrow and a writing paper due Friday. I'm also hosting a prospective student this evening, so I can't do much homework after 7 pm.
I hope you are all doing well! I <3 you.
Remember: be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
~ Dr. Seuss