Besides my sex life, I'm doing alright. I haven't cut since last Monday. My food stuff is going alright. I feel really fat, but I know that it's all in my head. I'm back to the weight I was at before I relapsed last semester, and that freaks me out. I've been weighing myself (I know, bad) because I have a scale in my room now. It's not mine - I borrowed it from a friend before fall break so that I could weigh my suitcase. I keep forgetting to give it back, but I really should do that soon. I need to stop weighing myself. About half the time, I can stop myself, but the other half of the time I can't.
Feeling fat all the time is really throwing me off. I feel like I can't wear a lot of my clothes, and that sucks. I like my clothes, but I feel too fat to wear them. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. The only time I feel really attractive is when I'm dressed up to go out on the weekends. I felt really pretty this weekend when I went out, and really sexy ;) It's nice to feel wanted.
I'm a little bit worried that I'm using sex to make myself feel validated and attractive, but I don't think that's true. Maybe a little bit. But isn't it nice to have people want you? It's definitely a self-esteem booster to know that I can get anyone I want. All I have to do is show off my body and flirt, and BOOM, I have a hook-up. I guess having huge boobs is finally paying off!
Well, my homework needs to be done :( I have an exam in psychology tomorrow and a writing paper due Friday. I'm also hosting a prospective student this evening, so I can't do much homework after 7 pm.
I hope you are all doing well! I <3 you.
Remember: be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
~ Dr. Seuss
Yay yay yay YAY! :D
ReplyDeleteThe fat is only a feeling in your head. It's a twisted sick LIE you are too awesome to listen too. Remember after tasty nomming that full DOES NOT EQUAL fat, ok? That chick is gonna be soooo happy with nice curvy hips and boobs to motorboat ;)
Studying is going in a 'Meh' fashion. First exam tomorrow. Hide me? :p
Good luck with your assignments and exams and stuffness <3
Did that comment work? I'm a still not used to this fucking laptop.
ReplyDeleteAnywhos, if it didn't
YOU'RE FUCKING AWESOME, I'M STOAKED FOR YOU! GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS. IGNORE THE LYING FAT-FEELINGS AND REVEL IN THE TASTY NOMMINGS. GET SOME NICE HIP AND BOOBAGE CURVAGES FOR THE HOT FUCK BUDDY TO MOTORBOAT.
I think that was the gist :)
I love that Dr. Seuss quote! It's so true :)
ReplyDeleteI think that as long as you know that you are not beautiful and sexy BECAUSE others think you are, but that because YOU know you are beautiful and sexy, others can see it too, then do what makes you happy! I don't think it is ever wrong for a girl to want to go out and flaunt a little bit and have some fun with a guy or girl. You're young and you should enjoy yourself!
xoxo