Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I don't know

I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I feel like I can't write in this blog because so many people in real life read it now. My sister, my friend. I don't want to hurt them! I don't want to accidentally say something that will especially upset them. But I have to keep writing. I don't know.

In other news, I had a fun Halloween weekend! Here's a picture of me in my costume:

**Picture deleted for privacy**

My costume looks way better in real life, I promise. The dress is super cute :) It was a great weekend, and I ended up hooking up with this really hot girl and getting an offer from another girl. How do I find these people? They just come to me.

I've been struggling a bit otherwise. It's been over two weeks since I've cut, and it's harder every day. I thought it was supposed to get easier! My therapist and I have been getting into scary territory in sessions, so maybe that's what is triggering me. In terms of eating, I'm doing alright. I keep thinking I'm fat, even though I know I'm not. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I AM BEAUTIFUL!

My friend made me this beautiful little booklet full of inspiration for when I feel bad about myself. I don't know if any of you are religious at all, but I love this quote from Psalm 121:
I lift my eyes up unto the heavens
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
The maker of heaven and Earth.

It's a beautiful quote, and I hope that I can think of it and ask for help if I need it.
Well, I need to go eat breakfast. And coffee! I NEED coffee. Love you all!
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 3, 2010 at 8:18 AM

    Don't worry about hurting or upsetting me. This is a place for you to express your feelings, especially those you might not otherwise express. This is for you. Don't let what you write have to pass through a filter of what others will think. Write unfiltered-ly for yourself.
    -D

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  2. Peridot (G+P)November 3, 2010 at 4:52 PM

    *Jaw hits floor* GORGEOUS!!! Man, that dress is amazing. You found the perfect cut and a colour that makes your skin GLOW. None of my blonde mates have the balls to wear blue, it just makes them look pink, but you found the perfect shade for you! <3 I just wanna cuddle up to you and braid your hair :p

    Yup, if you're talking about scary shit that WILL trigger. You just gotta realize it and do something BESIDES cut to make the bad feelings go away. It sucks how we find these really retarded coping mechanisms (Cutting, B/P, starving) to deal with this shit, and then forget less destructive ways of dealing with it. You are AMAZING for resisting the urge for this long! :D You freakin' RULE! *tacklehugs*

    Epic quote, there are some really nice things written in the Bible. (Even if I'm not Christian, I CAN STILL SAY THAT coz it's true!)

    Go have your coffee and a really good day. <3

    LOVE YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aye EllNovember 5, 2010 at 10:03 AM

    That Psalm is used in a song by the band Casting Crowns called "Praise You In This Storm". It is a wonderful song. You should look it up.

    ReplyDelete

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