Saturday, November 10, 2012


Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in forever! It has been crazy busy over here, and I just haven't had time. I barely have time to sleep, let alone blog.

Things are fine. I had my meeting with the school counselor lady, who is also my academic adviser. She was pretty much completely useless. I was hoping that she could help me get a sooner counseling appointment, but she couldn't even do that. The meeting was literally 5 minutes long, and she asked me maybe three questions (Are you safe? Do you have plans to see a counselor? Is there anything that I can do for you?). Dumbest meeting ever. Part of me is glad that she didn't pry, and part of me is pissed off. If this were my friend who was suicidal, I would want this lady to ask her more questions and actually be helpful. But since it's me who was suicidal, I am grateful that she didn't get up in my business. I wouldn't have told her anything anyway.

My professor and teaching assistant have been fine too. My professor is acting like she doesn't know, which is great, because I was worried that she would treat me differently. I talked to my TA about it yesterday, and he assured me that he didn't think of me differently. He has been treating me the same too, so that's been nice. As for my friends, I am still pissed at them. I will probably never trust them again. Actually I will probably never trust anyone ever again, but whatever. I am being civil to my friends and pretending that it didn't happen, and that's working for me right now.

I haven't been suicidal since I told my friends about it. That night, they actually came to my apartment with me and took away my pills (that I had bought specifically for killing myself). And not having access to my means of suicide anymore relieved a lot of the pressure. I think that having the pills there in my room was freaking me out, and it made it more real. I felt like I needed to continue with my plan, because I had that crucial piece figured out. And the more I continued with the plan, the scarier it got, and the closer I came to actually doing it. So having the pills gone is great, and I have felt normal since then.

Other than that, life chugs on. School is crazy busy and I am really excited for the semester to be over soon-ish. I seriously need a break.

Ya'll are awesome. Keep being cool :)


  1. Fucking hell there must be an unwritten rule somewhere that all uni counsellors have to be fucking useless. Let me just clean off my bitchslapper and I'll be right round there, k?

    Having the sutff there tends to do that, doesn't it. There are some painkillers I can't keep in the house because the temptation to use them as an easy out is too much to resist sometimes.

    Sorry I haven't replied to your email yet! in November I get weird about writing things that don't contribute to my wordcount ^.^; I promise I'll reply very soon.

    Yay for not feeling that down anymore! *Hugs you and dances around* I hope the rest of the semester behaves itself, you are in definite need of a break and some de-stressing.

    Watch this when you get a spare half-hour. Best use of time EVER!

    Love you to bits, Liz. Look after yourself ok? The world would be a shitty place without you.


  2. im glad your life was saved and hopefullt will continue to be safe. stay absolutely lovely, dear. <3