Friday, October 26, 2012


The same thing that happened two years ago has happened again. See this post for more info on that situation. Last night, I admitted to a few friends that I was suicidal and that it was getting a little serious. I trusted these people, although I shouldn't have, obviously. Today, I got a phone message from my school.

School counselor lady: Hi Beth, this is *****. Please call me ASAP when you get this.
Me: Oh FUCK.

I knew what was happening, even before I checked her message. I had this sinking feeling in my stomach that I was screwed and my friends had told someone and it was all over. So I call the lady back, and she basically told me that my friends had told our class's teaching assistant about my thoughts, and he had told the counselor lady. And she was "concerned" and "just wanted to make sure that I was safe." I couldn't meet with her, because I am attending a conference this weekend, but she made me promise to stop by her office on Monday. She assured me that this would not affect my enrollment status, and that the school just wanted to support me and help me. She had better be telling the truth... because I am not in the mood for games.

I am so fucking pissed. I can't believe that a) I trusted these girls, and b) that they told on me. I can't believe that I would ever trust anyone ever again, after what happened during undergrad. I am such an idiot. I am going to be freaking out until Monday. And now my favorite professor and teaching assistant know about my personal issues. And that SUCKS. I am so mad. UGGGGGGGGG!!!!! HATE.

Don't worry. I'm not suicidal anymore. I will live, sadly.


  1. I fucking HATE it when people break trust.

    *Wraps you in a massive hug*

    I'm selfishly glad that you will live. I need reasons to brave the terrors of the big scary USA, and you're one of the most important ones.

    I want to see you more than the Natural History Musuem AND Mt St.Helens COMBINED.

    Sending you love and hugs, Don't be afraid to vent on here, ok? I still read and I get sad when you don't post, even if I know you're ridiculously busy and don't have the time.

    Always here for you, love. Take care of yourself ok? *Huggles*

  2. Hey I've just stumbled across your blog

    I think you have good friends, friends who care about you. I know you might feel they broke your trust but what would you do if one of them told you that they were suicidal. They were probably terrified you would harm yourself.

    Take care x