Saturday, January 22, 2011


I think I'm crazy. I am completely convinced that every new person who is nice to me just wants to get into my pants. Tonight, I was talking to this nice guy at dinner, and I was convinced that he was hitting on me. Are people just nice by themselves, without wanting something in return? He invited me to a party in his room tonight, in about an hour. Half of me wants to go, but there will be alcohol, and that sounds like a temptation that I don't need. I don't know what I want. It totally freaks me out that someone would be hitting on me. I just can't think about affection or sex right now. I'm totally fucked up because of this rape thing. I never want to have sex or a relationship again. I am really paranoid about the people I meet and I feel like I can never trust anyone new. I'm even having trouble trusting my good friends. I mostly just want to isolate myself and not talk to anyone, because then I wouldn't have to trust them. I feel like if I talk to anyone, they will tell one of my enemies what I say, and then things will get worse. Honestly, nothing has really happened since I've been back at school. No one I don't like has talked to me. No one has threatened me. No one has talked shit about me. I've heard rumors about myself, but nothing I didn't already know. It's just me. I'm just crazy.


  1. You recognize the crazy, so you can say "FUCK YOU you're not beating me today!"

    If it's any consolation, I'm not being nice to you to get into your pants. Unless they were those cool, chain-covered goth ones. Then I'd be more likely to nick them off the washing line, coz it's less effort than going through all the tedious flirting, coffees and movie dates!

    Sorry, it's late. Did that help any?


  2. Nah, you aren't crazy. But I do think you need a little help and counselling.Just as there is an Adolf Hitler in this world, there is also a Mother Teresa. It's wise to keep your cards close to yourself, but unwise to close up totally. There are always people to help you if you can find them. Just my two-cents. God bless.