A journey through eating disorder and self-injury recovery, one second at a time...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
I think I'm crazy. I am completely convinced that every new person who is nice to me just wants to get into my pants. Tonight, I was talking to this nice guy at dinner, and I was convinced that he was hitting on me. Are people just nice by themselves, without wanting something in return? He invited me to a party in his room tonight, in about an hour. Half of me wants to go, but there will be alcohol, and that sounds like a temptation that I don't need. I don't know what I want. It totally freaks me out that someone would be hitting on me. I just can't think about affection or sex right now. I'm totally fucked up because of this rape thing. I never want to have sex or a relationship again. I am really paranoid about the people I meet and I feel like I can never trust anyone new. I'm even having trouble trusting my good friends. I mostly just want to isolate myself and not talk to anyone, because then I wouldn't have to trust them. I feel like if I talk to anyone, they will tell one of my enemies what I say, and then things will get worse. Honestly, nothing has really happened since I've been back at school. No one I don't like has talked to me. No one has threatened me. No one has talked shit about me. I've heard rumors about myself, but nothing I didn't already know. It's just me. I'm just crazy.
Good luck! I'm always here for you if you need anything.
If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to email me at:
22 years old, graduate student in social work, recovering from EDNOS. I was bulimic in high school and recovered successfully. I relapsed in February 2010, and began recovery again in August 2010. I also struggle with depression and self-injury. But despite these things, I'm trying my best at recovery, and taking it one step at a time.