Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

This is something I got in the hospital, and I love it. It's by Portia Nelson.

I.

I walk, down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in

I am lost... I am helpless

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever  to find a way out. 

II.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still take a long time to get out.

III.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there. 

I still fall in... it's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately. 

IV. 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V. 

I walk down another street.

This describes eating disorders to a T. My depression and my self-injury are just like this. I like to pretend that I don't think they're a problem, but I'm just ignoring the problem. I actually have to walk AROUND the hole (my problems) and do something differently to solve them. I have to call a friend instead of cutting again. I have to go to the hospital instead of crying myself to sleep, holding a bottle of Tylenol. I have to face my rapist instead of ignoring the issues I'm having.

Speaking of that last point...

I was raped.

December 3rd.

I was drunk.

She was attractive.

She was supposed to be taking me home and putting me to bed.

Instead we had sex.

I didn't consent. I was FAR too drunk to be capable of consent. 

I wouldn't have consented if I'd been sober.

I woke up naked, wet, and completely confused.

I remember nothing.

I reported the incident to my school, after I found out what really happened.

I am still waiting to find out what happens to her. 

I should know tomorrow.

I hate her so much.

I can't sleep.

I have no appetite.

I am afraid to leave my room.

I have panic attacks.

I have lost many friends (the ones who are siding with her).

I just want to go home.

But this time, unlike last time, I reported it. I didn't ignore it and pretend that it didn't happen for four years. I faced it. YES! That's the victory in all of this.