Thursday, November 24, 2011

Wow, I'm depressing


Ok, so I'm pretty sure that part of that last post was PMS. The funny thing is, my period never came... but I swear I had PMS. It's 5 days late at this point. No worries, I'm not preggers. Haha, that would be hilarious! I haven't been with anyone in over a year. I think it's the stress. I have never actually skipped a period before... interesting.

Speaking of sex... I have been contemplating reclaiming my virginity and not having sex again until marriage (Clarification: reclaiming my virginity doesn't mean pretending that I haven't had sex; it just means that I'm going to be a "virgin" in the sense that I won't have sex again till marriage. This is an edit, since I got a comment that made me think I needed to clarify.). My sister's going to laugh at me, I know it. I also know that she is going to say that I've gone all crazy Christian on her. Well, maybe I have. God is a huge part of my life, and that's the way I want it. Not that I'm going to get all preachy on you guys, but it's only fair that I share with you the most important thing to me. I can't talk about myself and not talk about God too. God has gotten me through some pretty tough stuff, and I trust Him to keep doing so. I am so thankful to be His child. But that's all I'll say, unless you guys want to talk about it.

Things have been better since I blogged last. Almost immediately after I blogged, stuff started calming down. I finished my thesis proposal and my grad school stuff is being put off until I receive comments from my professors on my personal statements. So I actually slept this week! I am trying to make God the center of my life, not school work. Yes, school is obviously important, but there are more important things in life. Am I really going to look back in 10 years and say, "Dang, I was so lazy! I should have tried harder." No! I will probably think, "Wow, I wish I had stressed less, slept more, and enjoyed life." So I have been trying. I had an exam that I didn't study for, and it was fine. I studied for about 30 minutes before the exam, couldn't answer half the questions, and still got a 91 percent. So you know what? It doesn't even matter. I'm not saying that I shouldn't study, but I am saying that I shouldn't freak out and not sleep and then stress after the exam about what grade I might have gotten. I can only do so much. I am only human.

So onward to the present! I am finishing up my graduate school applications during this weekend. They are due December 1st (well, the first one is, so I'm trying to get them all in by then). I am starting to have final projects and papers due, so I have to think about that. But whatever. I will get it done and not die in the process.

Today is Thanksgiving! Well, by the time I post this, it will be the day after Thanksgiving. But still. I stayed at school, which I also did last year. It is nice to have some time to myself. Of course, I actually have to start working tomorrow, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. The food was frickin delicious. My dining hall really goes all out on Thanksgiving :) Yumminess! I was briefly tempted to purge because I was so so so full (I will never eat again, that's how full I am), but it was a 30 second contemplation before I decided that a) it would be silly, and b) I was too lazy. For once, my laziness is paying off! Lol :)

Well, this blog has gotten long enough. I love you all, and I hope you had wonderful Thanksgivings too! I am thankful for you all <3

1 comment:


    Hopefully you find that link very enlightening. I'm all about waiting for the person you know you want to be serious with but physical compatibility is too important to wait until after committing yourselves to God and the law. I don't believe in reclaimed virginity either. You can repent for mistakes and vow to make better future choices but pretending something didn't happen won't please God. I don't judge you for your past behavior. I lost my virginity last year at 21, what I assumed to be a mature age, to a bf I'd had since the start of college, when we were making serious plans post-graduation. I'm sooooo glad I did even though we broke up many months later. He was grossed out, didn't want to put in the effort to pleasure me, complained about condoms every time knowing I can't use hormonal birth control. Starting a sexual relationship opened my eyes to problems we had relating to his selfishness elsewhere, that I ignored. I'm very grateful for the experience. What about a compromise, wait for an engagement?