My new counselor (the one at the church counseling center) is awesome. I've been seeing her for while now, and I still really like her. I haven't self-harmed in 2 months! It's a struggle, but I'm working on it. The downside is that I've been emotionally eating more often, since I can't self-harm. Grr. I'm hoping that everything will calm down soon.
I started my new internship at the beginning of September. I'm at a community mental health agency in rural Missouri. And I started seeing clients!! I have 5 clients for individuals counseling right now. Unfortunately, most of them want appointments every two weeks, so I only have about 2 clients per week right now. I'm hoping that I can build my caseload more and have more clients soon! I know that I am getting a new client this week; she's being transferred from her case manager because she's having significant issues.
Here are the issues that my clients have:
- Client 1: Schizoaffective disorder and alcohol abuse
- Client 2: Bipolar 1 disorder and possible borderline personality disorder
- Client 3: Depression (stemming from the recent death of her daughter)
- Client 4: Depression with psychotic features (which has mostly subsided, due to great medication)
- Client 5: Severe depression, very frequent suicidal ideation, self-harm
- Possible client 6: Depression, serious self-harm, possible suicidality, possible borderline personality disorder
My biggest issues right now are A) lack of confidence in my abilities as a counselor, and B) feeling strange about having the same issues as some of my clients. You have to admit, it would be a bit weird if you are struggling with self-harm and your clients are also struggling. In fact, Client 5 has been abstaining from self-harm for longer than I have! She has 3 months and I only have 2 months. Now that's just weird.
But the good thing is that my clients are a big motivation to keep me from self-harming. Thinking about them stops me. I don't know how I would face them if I self-harmed and then had to do therapy with them. Talk about hypocritical!
Well, I'm sure I have more to say, but I'll say goodbye for now. I hope that I will be blogging more frequently in the future! :) LOVE YOU ALL!
Especially you, Peri!