Saturday, October 26, 2013


So it's been like 2.5 months since my last post. Sorry! I guess things got a little crazier than I thought. I started my fall classes at the end of August, and I was training all the new IT workers, so my schedule was a bit nuts. I thought it would get better, but it's just now easing up. Geez! I can't wait for winter break...

My new counselor (the one at the church counseling center) is awesome. I've been seeing her for while now, and I still really like her. I haven't self-harmed in 2 months! It's a struggle, but I'm working on it. The downside is that I've been emotionally eating more often, since I can't self-harm. Grr. I'm hoping that everything will calm down soon.

I started my new internship at the beginning of September. I'm at a community mental health agency in rural Missouri. And I started seeing clients!! I have 5 clients for individuals counseling right now. Unfortunately, most of them want appointments every two weeks, so I only have about 2 clients per week right now. I'm hoping that I can build my caseload more and have more clients soon! I know that I am getting a new client this week; she's being transferred from her case manager because she's having significant issues.

Here are the issues that my clients have:

  • Client 1: Schizoaffective disorder and alcohol abuse
  • Client 2: Bipolar 1 disorder and possible borderline personality disorder
  • Client 3: Depression (stemming from the recent death of her daughter)
  • Client 4: Depression with psychotic features (which has mostly subsided, due to great medication)
  • Client 5: Severe depression, very frequent suicidal ideation, self-harm
  • Possible client 6: Depression, serious self-harm, possible suicidality, possible borderline personality disorder
Sounds fun, right? Actually, I'm enjoying it. They are all super interesting, especially Client 1. She has some really cool hallucinations and delusions. I was supposed to start Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Client 5 on Thursday, but she cancelled and didn't reschedule. I hope she comes back! I hope that I didn't scare her off.

My biggest issues right now are A) lack of confidence in my abilities as a counselor, and B) feeling strange about having the same issues as some of my clients. You have to admit, it would be a bit weird if  you are struggling with self-harm and your clients are also struggling. In fact, Client 5 has been abstaining from self-harm for longer than I have! She has 3 months and I only have 2 months. Now that's just weird.

But the good thing is that my clients are a big motivation to keep me from self-harming. Thinking about them stops me. I don't know how I would face them if I self-harmed and then had to do therapy with them. Talk about hypocritical!

Well, I'm sure I have more to say, but I'll say goodbye for now. I hope that I will be blogging more frequently in the future! :) LOVE YOU ALL!
Especially you, Peri!

1 comment:

  1. Too busy :'(

    I hope you can find a good balance in the coping methods. A non-destructive way to vent. I've been burying myself in fluffy fanfic. Um, whatever works? 0.0;

    OooooOOOOOOooooooh, shiny for the internship! Damn, that sounds like a tough combo of patients. For a moment there I thought patien #2 was Jaq! (BiPolar 2, BPD) I hope Patent Five comes back (You should totally refer to them with latin counting words ^.^ Just for coolness factor) From being in her shoes CBT is fucking difficult in parts and maddeningly useless in others. It changes from person to person. Maybe she feels like she's wasting your time? She certainly bloody isn't! Hugs to you and all your little ducklings.

    You'll get confidence from doing it more, yes? I think. Fuck that WOULD be weird! Still, extra level of understanding =advantage. So long as you can keep it from triggering you=AWESEOME.

    Please to has more blog soon? LUFFLES YOU TO BITS!