So I did end up seeing another therapist. I found her through my insurances' websites and then also on the SAFE Alternatives website. I don't know if I like her. I'm about ready to give up on this therapy thing. I don't think that it's helping at all.
This month has been interesting. My depression has been a lot better, although I've struggled on and off with shame about the sexual assault and thoughts of self-harm. I did end up self-injuring last week, twice. Last week sucked, basically. I was super anxious the whole week. And here's why.
Back in March/April, I was super suicidal. I made a very specific plan for my suicide (place, method, time of day) and picked out a date. I made the date far in the future, because I was trying to give myself time to feel better. I figured, if the depression got better, then I wouldn't need the suicide date. Anyway, the date was July 1st. Yesterday. Obviously, I'm still alive. About a month after making the original plan, I caved and told a friend about it. Just telling her made me feel a lot better, and since my depression has improved a TON since then, I did not feel the need to die. Obviously. But the week leading up to July 1st was pretty stressful. I started thinking about suicide again and ended up self-harming. But it's over and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. So yay for being alive! Lol.
Moving on. I just finished my internship at the hospital. It was pretty amazing and I'm sad that it's over. I saw a ton of interesting people and interesting disorders. During the last half of the internship, I was able to see patients on my own, which was great. Especially this last month or two, I have had very little supervision, which was awesome! It made me feel like a real live social worker :) But then again, I'm glad it's over because there were some icky office politics that were getting ugly. This coworker and I got into several fights (she feels threatened by me, because I have more education than her and she is terrible at her job), and it just kept getting worse. So I'm glad that's over! Thank goodness.
That's about it!
MISSED YOU!
ReplyDeleteSometimes therapy helps and sometimes it doesn't. You need to be in the right kind of place and find someone you can trust. You kinda have to shop around for someone whose personality and approach meshes with yours. Kerys has started making me collect evidence that disproves my opinions of myself then shoving my face in it. Sneaky bitch!
Yay for depression being better! You should NOT feel ashamed. NOPE. I wish I could bail the assaulter up and carve nasty words into them with a potato peeler. (Oh how old-testament of me)
Gah NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOTS TO BE OFFINGS YOURSELF I LOVES MY LIZZEH! D: I'm glad you're still alive. I love you to bits and would miss you like I'd miss my liver if you were gone for good :(
Office politics BLOW. One of many reasons I refuse to try to be promoted at Noms'R'Us. Omg meeting all sorts of interesting people and their cool BrainSpaz must be so exciting! I wish I got to do fun discovering-type stuff like that. Maybe I should take up birdwatching or marine biology or something. Funnest new thing I've done lately is make jam!
LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!