Thursday, January 17, 2013

So sick and tired.

I am so tired of all of this stuff. Can I please, dear God please, just be who I am and not be hated?

Let me start over. I am part of a Christian group at my grad school. In case you didn't know, I am a strong Christian and it is an extremely important part of my life. I am also gay. I like girls, and very occasionally boys. But since it is very rare that I will like a boy (as more than a friend), I find it easier to say that I'm gay. Plus people seem to hate bisexuals, but that's another story.

This Christian group that I'm part of, called JSJ, is currently embroiled in a discussion about its beliefs about homosexuality. We are semi-affiliated with an organization called Intervarsity, which does not allow homosexuals to be in leadership. But we are fully affiliated with our school, which is a school of social work, which does not allow its groups to discriminate against people because of their sexuality. Therefore, we are being forced to take a stance on homosexuality, and either affiliate with our school or with Intervarsity.

As the only homosexual member of the JSJ leadership team, this issue affects me personally. And I am freaking sick of it. Can't I just be who I am, and be a normal member of society, and not have to think about all of this? I hate it when controversy centers around me. This is horrible.

I can't really blame people for their beliefs. About two months ago, I believed that homosexuality was sinful as well, and I was trying to "repent of my sin." But I just couldn't do it, and I didn't think it was healthy or right for me. Obviously, I also have evidence from the Bible and other Christian theologians that suggests that I am not sinning by being gay. I don't take this decision lightly. So now I am trying to accept myself for who I am, but this is extremely difficult, since other people don't accept me. And NO, I am not going to stop being a Christian or believing in God, simply because some people aren't accepting of me. So don't even try that one on me. I just wanted to express my frustration with the whole thing, in this safe format.

So that's it. That's my main thing right now. I have also just started my second semester of grad school, which adds another layer of stress to my life.

Love you guys. Take care <3>


  1. I wouldn't even THINK of trying that one on you! I would instead suggest finding a more accepting group of people to hang out with.

    More progressive groups of Christians, Jews and Muslims DO exist. If it is going to be mentally and emotionally exhausting hanging around people who won't accept you for who you are, then it may be better in the long run to hang out with those who share not only your religious beliefs but your moral and ethical ones as well.

    Why on earth do people hate bisexuals? Just because we can appreciate the beauty of the standard gender binary? (I'm Bi but not Pan. Trans and androgynous people just don't do it for me) I'm seriously confused. What is so scary about people who are different?

    Lol, you're doomed to be a catalyst of change :p Bringing light to dark places and the winds of change to places that threaten to stagnate. Insert your favourite famous person analogy here. Exhausting, yes. Totally awesome, also yes.

    Love you Liz. Sorry I'm so shitty at replying to comments, I'm being an antisocial panda and hibernating with my knitting atm. I will reply soon, ok?

    Take care of yourself and remember that you're totally awesome and I love you to bits *Hugs*

  2. I'm so so so sorry this took me so long! I've been a total slacker about replying to comments :( Isolating within isolating within antisocial and omg just total fail D: Please don't hate me!

    So you are lesbian-identified bisexual? It takes a very very very special kind of bloke to turn your head because you greatly prefer ladies.

    One thing that really gets on my tits is how intolerant of diversity that people are. I really hate how people are bashed on for being different. WE ARE HUMANS, NOT BORG. FUCK BEING ASSIMILATED. TAKE ME FOR WHO I AM OR FUCK OFF.

    The most important person's acceptance to worry about is your own. Once you accept yourself people will follow your lead if they're awesome or won't if they aren't.

    From what I understand of Christian theology, God made people in his image. So he made you in his image, you as who and what you are. He made you to be you and loves you because you're the way he made you. If other people get pissy at you for being yourself then they're insulting God's handiwork. Is that about right? o.O

    I'm still with miles because the silly bugger won't leave. I complain a lot because my blog is the only place i can really vent and I do love him to bit but that doesn't mean there aren't things that bug me. I'm honest about the things that bug me with him and he is honest about the things the bug him with me so we muddle along.

    I keep telling him that he should find a normal person to spawn and be happy with, but he keeps saying I'm the best he's found! Lol and I'M the crazy one?!?

    He has also said he would be cool for me to explore the girl-loving side of my Bi nature, but I would definitely make sure he was really OK with it and approved of the girl in question before doing ANYTHING.

    Omg that sounds totally weird. I'm sorry if it creeped you out 0.0;

    Nonononono you didn't cross a boundary or anything! You're a mate, you're allowed to be blunt about things and it's well within your rights to call me on my bullshit.

    I want you to be happy too. Because you're you and I love you to bits, sister-across-the-sea.

    *Hugs you tightly*