Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Oh summer...

Ugg, you guys, my summer is not going the way I want it to so far. My room still isn't fully unpacked, even though I got home three weeks ago. Here is what it looked like last week:
And here is what it looks like now:

Better, but not great. There are still crazy piles of stuff everywhere, and this doesn't even show you the mess in the bathroom! So that's annoying, and it's freaking me out. As a clean person, it makes me anxious to have such a mess. But I just have NO motivation to clean it! I don't understand! It's like finishing college made me lose my motivation for anything.

Speaking of college, I am officially a college graduate! I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, departmental honors and summa cum laude :) It was really sad to leave all my friends behind, but I am glad to be moving forward with my life. I loved my school while I was there, but I needed to leave. Luckily, some of my friends live in Oregon or St. Louis, so I will see them again! Speaking of St. Louis, I leave for graduate school on August 17th! Orientation starts August 20th and classes start August 28th. I'm super pumped. I also have an apartment and a roommate! Her name is Chloe (not her real name, for privacy reasons) and she is 25. She will also be a 1st year student in the social work program. She has a deposit on a great apartment that is a 20 minute walk from campus, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, washer and dryer in the unit. The price is decent, and my parents are helping, so we can make it work. I'm super excited to start my new life in St. Louis! 2.5 months, baby.

I haven't started my summer job yet, but I will be working at the science museum that I worked at last summer. I start June 18th, and I'm doing aftercare again. I will work 12-6 pm every day. I hope that this is the summer that I will finally prove that I am an adult, that I can control my emotions around the kids, and that I can make a good impression on my supervisors. Man, I am not cut out for working with kids...

Food and body image sucks. I can't seem to get my chocolate consumption under control. I'm still at my highest weight ever, and it sucks balls. I really dislike my body, and because of that, I have wanted to hurt myself for the first time since I stopped taking my meds. Not cool! Of course, it was a very small urge and I didn't act on it. I just really want to be healthier, but I'm having a hard time doing it. I'm tired of being fat and lazy, and I just want to be a normal person.

Finally, the last big thing happening in my life is that my cat is sick :( Her name is Meg, and she and her sister Ginny are my kitties. They grew up in my room, and I am their mommy. She started losing a lot of weight in the last few weeks, and I didn't notice right away, because I just figured that I was making it up. But my dad noticed this weekend, and we took her to the vet on Monday. A few years ago, she weighed 11 pounds, and now she weighs 8 pounds (or she did on Monday). We found out from the vet that she had a fever, she was really dehydrated, and her kidneys were swollen and lumpy. They took blood and urine samples, and found that she has a bladder infection. However, they don't think that this is the cause of her weight loss. They gave us some oral antibiotics, which made her throw up, so they had to give her an antibiotic shot. Tomorrow, if she is not significantly better, she may need an ultrasound to figure out what's wrong with her kidneys. I am taking her in first thing in the morning so they can assess her and give her IV fluids. I am super worried that she won't be much better, and my parents don't want to pay for the ultrasound. I don't want my kitty to die!! I am praying that she gets a lot better overnight and the antibiotic shot will fix her. She seems a little perkier already, and she ate food and drank water without throwing up tonight. I'll let you know what happens. Here are some cute pictures of her:

She is so cute! I love her so much <3

Last thing: my friend is doing okay (you know, from the last post). Of course, suicidality doesn't just go away, so I am still praying for her, and I encourage you to do the same. She is an amazing person, and I definitely want to see her live :)


  1. Congratulations on the graduation! :D :D :D

    Hmmm, maybe the chocolate consumption is a delayed reaction tot he stress of uni? I always want comfort food when I'm stressed or upset.

    Hugs to the kitty and to you too. Meggy looks so much like Dralion!

    Love you so very much. Take care of yourself, alright?

  2. Congrats on the BA that is awesome. I just completed year one lol your job sounds really great too. Sorry about your cat she is beautiful

  3. Congratulations on graduating! And your cat looks adorable, she's absolutely gorgeous. I really hope she gets better soon :(


  4. I am so sorry about your cat my heart goes out to you. The funny thing about cats is you have to earn they love so when you have done that they hold a different place in your heart than dogs. I dont know what I would do if I loss either one of my cats. take care and try and keep your chin up.

  5. P.S.

    Still sending love to you and Meggehkitteh *Snuggles you both*

    I think you were one of the few I told that story to before I felt like I could share it properly. I dunno, it just feels like a really stupid thing to name a blog for.

    You kitteh picked out a really awesome human, coz cats pick the human who gets to be their devoted slave ;)

    So much love for you, there are no words to express it all *Makes grabby hands* I need to hug you SO HARD right now.

    Arohanui <3

  6. P.P.S

    I figured they were from you :p

    Do you want me to comment on your other blog with my craft blog? A way of keeping random clicking from having people find stuff you're not ready to share with them yet. (Lol, I'm assuming everyone has at least one super-nosey coworker/mate like Seafood Dude. He found my old Youtube and started messaging me on FB with links to my vids and weird comments that was very uncomfortable-making)

    You, Calla and Mum make three. I'll be seeing what I can do about meds and trying to work shit out for myself tomorrow arvo. I'm so sick of doctors throwing pills at me and telling me I'm cured so long as I keep taking them. Stuff that!

    Lol cats are like that! Whenever The Boy went home to visit his family his cat Gremlin would get all extra-smoochy on me. It was so incredibly weird to see her being smoochy!

    Ah I see what Peter was getting at. While personal grooming is important, some people place far too much value on it. Layers of makeup and fake nails don't hide a nasty personality!
    Ah, so Leviticus states the point of view of the Father Deity on issues. The majority of the bible that is quoted here is about Jesus' take on things and not his fathers' so I didn't know that >.< (I have yet to read the bible right through, I'm trying to find a good translation)
    True. We have the knowledge of good and evil so we have the responsibility to choose to do what is right. I admit that it was really bloody late by the time I got around to reading blogs, so I wasn't reading properly. I promise to read properly before commenting. You write wonderful and well-thought-out posts that deserve thorough reading and proper cogitation!
    *Hugs* I did worry a bit, but I'm glad you're at peace with it. I worried because I watched a coworker who was a good friend withdraw from everyone entirely and start showing up at work with massive deep keloid-scarring slices on her arms because she was struggling with discovering that she was bisexual instead of purely lesbian and attracted to men as well as women. I guess I was worried because I saw someone with no previous history of SH start taking her inner struggle out on herself and was hoping you wouldn't go back to it. I'm not used to people who are secure in the knowledge of the love of a deity :)

    Nope, not offended and not too uncomfortable :p We inherited the "No discussion of religion or politics at the dinner table" ethos from our British immigrants, so I blame that :p It's also the Kiwi thing of not discussing deeply emotional or personal topics, and to me religion can be a very emotional and personal thing. (Ironically I'm from a town founded by some EXTREMELY stuffy Scottish Presbyterians!) It's good to have someone to talk to who makes me talk about things we kiwis tend to avoid discussing!

    Love you so very much. Thank you for being patient with me <3

  7. Thats ok I can understand the paranoia. I don't have anything blog-related on my Youtube for that reason, and a fucking nosyparker of a workmate found my youtube and I had to delete the account coz some of the shit I say about work on my vlogs&blog could get me fired by the new CoC.

    I think the NIV is the version they use as a reference for teaching the Christianity section of the RELS papers at Otago. I'll have to check. It's the version I want to read, anyway. Lol I told some Jehovah's Witness' that I wanted to read the translation the University uses and their reaction was "But it's not the REAL Bible" all I could say was "I know THAT, but I can't read ancient Hebrew!" *facepalm* I think I scandalised them a little bit.

    I've honestly never read it because I haven't found a translation I can trust. From a language and literature point of view it's a very interesting book. The only bit I've really read was the first three books of Genesis because a)I like creation myths and b)They were important to understanding one of the series in the Words in Fantasy Literature paper I took a few years ago. Paradise Lost was (inspired by) a re-imagining of the first 3 books of Genesis and Pullman's Dark Materials trilogy was a further re-imagining of some the concepts of Paradise Lost. It was the only series I hadn't read before and it is so seriously dense in allusions I'm STILL trying to dig through it.

    I think people freak a bit because so many people use the Bible as an excuse to be rather virulent in their stomping on the LBGT community and women's rights that it makes them a bit leery when the subject of religiously based heteronormativity comes up. I know you have more sense than fuckwads like Westboro Baptist or the kids who bullied Tempest until she committed suicide, but there has been so much harm done in the name of the Bible that it has harmed the name of the Bible and people will automatically think of that first when Bible-based religions are brought up in relation to some subjects.

    Ok I'd better get off the Internet and go do some baking for knitting squad tomorrow. I keep promising Rhythma ginger bikkies and never bringing any D: Nothing makes you feel more like a monster than disappointing a three-year-old!

    Take care. Love you so much *hugs*

  8. You don't suck at commenting!

    I feel so bad, I'm too lazy to log on my craft blog so I can comment on your God Blog. Fuck. Tomorrow after a bit of sleep.

    People seem to overlook the fact that when Jesus said not to judge, he meant for THEM not to judge too. Jesus hung out with all sorts of people who were shunned by general society, so why should people exclude others based on rules he ignored? So many people use selective readings of rules to enable them to do whatever the fuck they want and then scream persecution when they're told to stop being dicks.

    Case in point: Many fluffy bunny wiccans take the line of the Rede that says "An it harm none, do what ye will" to mean they can do whatever the hell they like coz "it's not hurting anyone". If they actually stopped and thought about it, they would realise they had to think through all possible consequences of a course of action to see if it negatively impacted others in ANY way BEFORE they did anything. It's really more limiting than they realise. Thoughtless immature twits really get on my nerves.

    Hope you're having fun at Uni and the course load isn't too unbearable yet <3