Sunday, February 26, 2012

Good stuff

Oh haaay! Things are going pretty well over here. I am almost done collecting data for my study!! I need one more participant, and then I'm DONE! Amazing... I thought I'd never get here. The trouble is, I have to find this last participant... I'll figure it out. But now that I'm almost done collecting data, I have to start analyzing the data and writing my actual thesis. Which sucks. I have to do a symposium (20 minute talk) on it on April 12th, and I hope to be almost done writing the whole thing by then. I mean, I barely have any other homework. How hard can it be? Haha :) I'll just have to rustle up some motivation. Anyone know where I can get some of that?

My medication taper is going well. I did 4 days on 350 mg (down from 400), and then got bored and impatient... so I skipped down to 200 mg. I know, not the smartest idea. But I'm fine! I've been on 200 mg for five days now. I thought I was having a few side effects during the first four days. I had some headaches and a serious loss of focus, but I think I was just tired. Since then, nothing. However, I am super sick right now, so I can't be sure. I have a cold. It suuuuuucks. But I got some really good drugs and that helps :) I'll keep you all updated on my progress and any side effects that occur from the taper.

I went out drinking last night, despite being sick. My sorority did golf (Google it, it's a drinking game), which was fun. I took a bunch of cold medicine so that I would feel well enough to go (maybe not smart, but whatever). I drank waaaaay too much, but what else is new? I don't remember half of my night, but the good news is that I spent that part of the night hanging out with friends (apparently), so nothing bad happened. I do have mysterious injuries though. My left knee really hurts, and so does the right side of my head. I think I must have fallen or something, and bumped my head and knee. Weird. I also woke up in the morning to find blood everywhere. Scary! It turns out that I had a bloody nose before going to bed. There was blood on the floor, blood on my towels, blood on the clothes I had been wearing. I did laundry today, and everything is good now, but it was kind of scary to wake up to!

Other than that... I actually am feeling pretty good these days. I don't know if it's the medication taper or what, but I haven't really been depressed at all. No suicidal thoughts (or at least no lasting ones; I always have passing ones). No cutting. No weird food stuff. I have been doing this new thing where I try to talk myself out of my negative thoughts. I learned it in my psych disorders class (haha). We talked about it during our unit on cognitive behavioral therapy. It involves distracting yourself from the negative cognition, analyzing what is distorted about the cognition, and disputing it. You dispute it by examining it, searching for alternative cognitions, and looking at the usefulness of the cognition. Let's have an example.
Let's say that I study really hard for an exam, but still get a B. I know, a B is a good grade for some people, but in my mind, it's not a good grade for me. Remember, I have a 3.8 GPA. Because of my "bad" grade, I decide that I'm stupid. This is clearly a negative cognition.
1) Distract: Think about other things to avoid ruminating about the grade.
2) Distort: This cognition is distorted because clearly, I have a 3.8 GPA. I wouldn't have a GPA like that if I was stupid.
3) Dispute: I kind of already did this one in 'distort.' But I can examine the cognition and search for alternatives. Like, "I am smart." Or, "A 'B' isn't a bad grade; it's above average!" Or, "I don't need to get good grades to prove that I'm smart. One B doesn't make me stupid." I can also look at the usefulness of the cognition (And it's not useful at all. In fact, it just brings me down and makes me feel horrible).

I have been having relatively good success with this. I just have to keep it up and quit the ruminating! Did you know that women are more likely to be depressed than men, partially because we tend to ruminate?

So I guess that's about it! I will update you all soon. <3


  1. Wow, you're pretty much radiating with positive energy, love. Shitee man. You even perked my mood up a bit. =]

  2. Hello! I really like you're blog by the way :). It's good to hear you're feeling better- medication side effects can be hell from what I've heard! I like the psychology part, even though I'm not a psych major, I find psychology interesting. The distract/distort/dispute is a great idea, especially when negative thoughts and low self-esteem get the best of you, you're able to turn those negative thoughts around into something positive! Take care and have an awesome week ♥

  3. Hey girl, I'm a new follower - have been reading your entire blog back-to-back! I'm sorry you're feeling under the weather - but well done for staying on top of the depression, cutting and food stuff. That's definitely an achievement :) Also, I should honestly try that 3D's technique. It sounds extremely useful. Rumination can be poisonous!
    Gabby xx

  4. Lol, drinking with mats ALWAYS leads to mysterious bruises and scrapes! I'm so happy to hear that you had fun :D

    OMG *Gleeful dance* I'm so glad that things you're learning in class are helping. I'll have to borrow this one, ok?

    Love you so much. Take care and kick some ASS on that thesis! is your friend :p



  5. Aww, no dearth.. yer great. Thanks for the advice. I mean it. I need to work on restricting, you're totally right.. its just hard because the days I do eat its so hard to battle my hunger and just either go overboard and stuff myself.. or eat regular amounts, but whatever I choose to eat is terribly unhealthy.. but the days i try to restrict just turn into a fast.. its like an on/off switch that I need to exchange for a dimmer or some shit. Haha. But I'm glad you get me tho.. its super uplifting. <3