Saturday, August 6, 2011


It's ok, I'm fine. I guess I had a lot of things going on, and the stress built up. I haven't talked to my therapist specifically about the purging, but she says that stuff like wanting to cut is normal when people are overloaded, like I am now. I mean, I have rape crap on my mind, Isaac crap, stressful work, pressure because school is starting soon and I haven't done much research and haven't started applying to grad school, and I feel fat and gross. Is that enough yet? How much more can I handle? I'm also exhausted all the time because of my job, so that doesn't help. But the good news about that is that I never have the energy to cut myself. I really want to sometimes, but I usually am waaay too tired to drag myself out of bed. So that's good!

I didn't purge yesterday (Friday), but I wanted to. I mostly wanted to cut though. Idk what is going on currently, but the cutting urge is stronger than usual. It's probably related to the aforementioned stuff. Bleh. I'm so tired of this! I miss when I was feeling happier, when my meds were first kicking in. I know that my medication is working still, or else I would actually be cutting and/or purging, but I'm still annoyed. I hope that once I get to school and stop thinking about the rape, stop working, etc. then I will be less crazy.

Weeeeelll, I should go. I'm at the airport, waiting for my flight to board. I'm flying down to California to see my sister :) She is swimming at US Nationals right now. Well, she finished swimming yesterday. And GUESS WHAT?? She's a superstar; she made her Olympic Trials cut in 200 backstroke! She is going to the OLYMPIC TRIALS! My sister is so cool. I'm so so so proud of her! :-D
So anyhoo, I'm sure she's even more excited than I am (or not, who knows ;) ). My parents are already down there. They left on Tuesday, but I didn't feel like missing a whole week of work (read: $300), so I stayed and am flying out today. We will spend the weekend together in San Francisco and then drive back to Oregon on Monday and Tuesday (15 hours of torture). So I'm missing 2 days of work, but hopefully I will be refreshed and ready for 2.5 more weeks of work before I go back to school!

That's right folks! I go back to school in 3 weeks exactly! SO EXCITED! I miss my friends and I actually MISS SCHOOL. After working for 7 weeks (and 3 more to go), I am so excited to do schoolwork. School is something I can do. I'm good at it. It's my thing. Working with kids = not my calling. Adolescents, young adults, and adults, yes. Kids, no. Bleh.

Ok, enough chatter. Gotta pee before I board for my flight. Love you all!! I will update over the weekend (maybe) and let you know that I haven't purged or cut. NO CUTTING. NO PURGING. NOOOOOO. :-D


  1. I can't wait to get back to college either! Too many weeks of doing nothing and I want to spend everyday with my friends being typical teenagers lol.
    Congrats on the no purging or cutting!!

    Aww your sister has done so good getting to the olympic trials! I would never be able to do that!

  2. Ohh, I'm sorry about you feeling so shit but I'm glad that you're looking forward to school! Have a lovely time visiting your sister! Thanks for all your support lately. You're a beautiful person. <3