Hmm

So it's been like 2.5 months since my last post. Sorry! I guess things got a little crazier than I thought. I started my fall classes at the end of August, and I was training all the new IT workers, so my schedule was a bit nuts. I thought it would get better, but it's just now easing up. Geez! I can't wait for winter break...

My new counselor (the one at the church counseling center) is awesome. I've been seeing her for while now, and I still really like her. I haven't self-harmed in 2 months! It's a struggle, but I'm working on it. The downside is that I've been emotionally eating more often, since I can't self-harm. Grr. I'm hoping that everything will calm down soon.

I started my new internship at the beginning of September. I'm at a community mental health agency in rural Missouri. And I started seeing clients!! I have 5 clients for individuals counseling right now. Unfortunately, most of them want appointments every two weeks, so I only have about 2 clients per week right now. I'm hoping that I can build my caseload more and have more clients soon! I know that I am getting a new client this week; she's being transferred from her case manager because she's having significant issues.

Here are the issues that my clients have:

• Client 1: Schizoaffective disorder and alcohol abuse
• Client 2: Bipolar 1 disorder and possible borderline personality disorder
• Client 3: Depression (stemming from the recent death of her daughter)
• Client 4: Depression with psychotic features (which has mostly subsided, due to great medication)
• Client 5: Severe depression, very frequent suicidal ideation, self-harm
• Possible client 6: Depression, serious self-harm, possible suicidality, possible borderline personality disorder

Sounds fun, right? Actually, I'm enjoying it. They are all super interesting, especially Client 1. She has some really cool hallucinations and delusions. I was supposed to start Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Client 5 on Thursday, but she cancelled and didn't reschedule. I hope she comes back! I hope that I didn't scare her off.

My biggest issues right now are A) lack of confidence in my abilities as a counselor, and B) feeling strange about having the same issues as some of my clients. You have to admit, it would be a bit weird if  you are struggling with self-harm and your clients are also struggling. In fact, Client 5 has been abstaining from self-harm for longer than I have! She has 3 months and I only have 2 months. Now that's just weird.

But the good thing is that my clients are a big motivation to keep me from self-harming. Thinking about them stops me. I don't know how I would face them if I self-harmed and then had to do therapy with them. Talk about hypocritical!

Well, I'm sure I have more to say, but I'll say goodbye for now. I hope that I will be blogging more frequently in the future! :) LOVE YOU ALL!
Especially you, Peri!