Showing posts with label cake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cake. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Halloween is soon!

Hello! It's been exactly a week since I posted. Good news: I have been feeling a bit better and not cutting. Yay! Fall break got to me, I guess. Graduate school applications are still weighing down on me, but I'm not working on them every day, so I think that helps me to not get so overwhelmed.

Since I last posted... I got my personal statement for Washington University School of Social Work done, at least a good draft. Now I just have to translate and squish it into three other applications and answer their random questions too. But it's a good start. My plan is to work on that some tonight. Homework... it seems to be easing up a bit, although I'm sure that will change very soon. Right now I feel less stressed out than usual.

I am super tired all the time, so I started taking a multivitamin. We'll see if that helps. I just started today! Hopefully if I take it most of the time (I will forget, it's only natural), then it will be good for me. I'm definitely vitamin/mineral deficient in some ways. I am also trying to be a bit healthier with my eating and not eat so much junk. Maybe cut back on the diet soda and drink more herbal tea as a substitute. And stop eating so much dessert (especially when I'm not hungry or don't like it much, but eat it anyway). Yay healthy eating! Let's see how long this lasts...

It's Halloween this weekend! My sorority is playing this drinking game called golf on Saturday night. I've done this many times before, and it generally ends in disaster and me being ridiculously drunk. You have 8 or 10 "holes" which are in different people's room, and there is a different drink in each hole. Generally people do a hole in pairs or groups. For example, if I did a hole, I would have a partner and we would make jello shots. People would come and drink/eat the shots, and the depart to the next hole. It gets you drunk suuuuper fast. So I've enlisted a buddy. I asked a sub-free friend to check in on me in the middle of the event to see how drunk I am. My plan is to only drink a little bit at each hole, but we know how well that works... so if I'm too drunk, she can come rescue me.  The theme is Halloween, of course, and I am going to be a present. As in, I bought a bow (like for a birthday present) at Walmart and I am going to put it on my head. Classy, I know :)

Ok, I should really get some work done. Ya'll are awesome for reading my boring ramblings! Love ya <3

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Exercise and Weight

This morning I went to work out with my friend at school. She wants to go regularly but wants a workout buddy because she knows she'll never go on her own. I have been thinking about getting a workout buddy or just going alone for a while, but haven't really acted on it. We were doing homework together last night, when she mentioned that she should really work out sometime. I suggested that we work out together, and we agreed to start with twice a week: Saturdays and Mondays. The workout this morning felt really good. I just did 30 minutes on the stationary bike, plus some stretching. I didn't push myself too hard, and I read a textbook while I biked. My heart rate still got pretty high for me, so I felt like it was a successful workout. I didn't do any weights or anything, because my friend wanted to go after we did the cardio. I had planned to do some weights, but I was fine with leaving without doing them. I used to panic when I didn't get my whole workout done, but I was fine this time.

I think the difference this time is that I'm exercising for my health, not to lose weight. Yes, losing weight would be a nice side effect, but working out is also really good for you, and that's why I'm doing it. I think having a workout buddy will be really good for me too, because she can recognize if I'm getting a little obsessive and reign me in.

While I was at the gym, I also weighed myself. I know, I really shouldn't have done that, and I'm regretting it. The gym has two scales, although neither is really accurate. The digital scale is about 10 pounds off (makes you look lighter than you are) and the doctor-style scale is about five pounds off (makes you look heavier). I weighed myself on both and came to the conclusion that I'm 195 pounds.
Eeek!
When I saw that number, I was not happy. Remember a while back, I said that I would freak out if I was over 190 pounds? Well, I'm there. And I'm freaking out a little. I DO NOT want to be 200 pounds again. I worked really freaking hard to get below 200 pounds, and I'm not going to wreck that. I want to lose a little weight and get back to 185, but I also don't want to trigger myself into relapse. I think the key is that I am eating a lot of dessert, and I need to cut back on that. Would it be alright to limit myself to only having dessert at dinner? I don't know. I'm nervous about that.

Ok, I have a shit-ton of homework, so I better get on it. I think taking five classes, having two jobs, and being  in a sorority was a mistake... Love you guys! I really appreciate you, and I just want you to know that. Stay strong <3

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Rawr

Courtesy of Google Images!

The last few days have been alright. My eating has been good, although I've been eating more sugar than the days before these. But you know what, I'm totally fine with that. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, and I am not going to be concerned about what I'm eating, just how I'm eating it and when. That seems like the best course of action.

Today I donated blood, which was good. Last time I donated blood, which I think was before I started this blog, I was fasting and it didn't work out well. I didn't eat anything before or after I donated, and I almost puked/passed out afterwards during a class presentation. It was horrible! But this time, it went really well and I feel great. I'm glad that I'm not doing any fasting anymore.

I also had a big exam in my Dinosaurs class today, which was alright. I studied super hard, but I am not sure how well I did on the exam. Some of the questions were worded kind of weird, and one of them questions I had never heard of before and had no idea how to answer! But overall I did my best, so that's the only thing I can do.

I guess that's pretty much all I have to say :) It hasn't been a super good week, but it hasn't been a bad week either. I am really glad that tomorrow is Friday though! It's been a long week, and I need a weekend. Also, I have a ton of homework that I need to get done between now and Sunday and Monday. Yuck! I hope your Thursdays and Fridays are fantabulous! Love you all <3

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Weird Stuff

I had a weird dream two night ago, in which I decided I was going to restrict again. However, I felt guilty so I tried to eat, but then felt guiltier about eating. I ended up purging and hating myself for going back on my word (to not relapse). It was a really odd dream, and it was so vivid that I woke up and thought it had really occurred.

I'm glad that my dream didn't really happen, because I don't want to go back to restricting. Let's face it: I like food and eating too much. That's one of the other reasons I always wanted to be seen as anorexic rather than bulimic; being anorexic meant that I had control over my desires, while being bulimic meant that I was a pig who gorged herself and then puked. I think that if I hadn't hit a few speed bumps, I could have actually gone all the way into anorexia and just skipped the bulimia. But now, I'm actually kind of glad that I was stuck with bulimia, because it's less damaging to your body. With anorexia, you end up with long-term health problems even if you recover, but with bulimia you might not have as many problems if you catch it early.

I can feel myself going into the recovery stage of my ED again, but it's not full recovery yet. This happened last time I was in recovery as well, during my junior and senior years of high school. During my senior year of high school, I gained 40 pounds because I was just trying to eat and not worry about it. I'm really afraid that will happen again. Right now, I'm at the weight I was at the beginning of senior year, and I really don't want to go back to where I was at the end of senior year. I'm trying not to freak out about it, but it makes me really nervous. I just want to skip the eat-everything-in-sight stage and go straight to the normal-healthy-eating stage. Is that possible?

Another odd thing I've noticed recently is that I still see myself as the same as I was at my highest weight. Even though I'm around 185 pounds right now (I don't know for sure, I haven't weighed myself in two weeks), I still think I look the same as I did when I was 220 pounds. My body perception is really skewed. I wish  I could see myself as I am now, because I'm sure I look a lot better than I did.

Well, that's all for now chickies. Love you all! Stay strong <3

Monday, August 30, 2010

Tie Dye and Apple Pie

Hi ya'll! It's great to hear from you all :) I love seeing your pretty comments. I just wish I could see your pretty faces too! I hope you are all doing wonderfully.

I think this semester is going to be great. I like four of my classes, and am not so sure about the other one. I also convinced the professor that I'm TAing for that I need to leave halfway through class every time, because I need to eat lunch. No way am I sacrificing lunch for a class I've already taken! I also got my work hours mostly straightened out. I am working 6 hours (for now) at the Audio/Visual Media Services department, and I have three hours per week of tutoring so far. I still haven't heard back from one of my tutees, but that's fine. I am holding two positions in my sorority this semester too (Parliamentarian and Assistant Secretary), but neither of those require a whole lot of work.

So I think this is going to be good! We had our first sorority recruitment event yesterday evening (Tie Dye and Apple Pie!) and it was a ton of fun. I tie dyed a shirt green and white (our sorority colors), although I have yet to see it, because it's being laundered. I also ate delicious homemade apple pie and chatted up potential new members. Lots of fun! Last semester, I hated recruitment, because I was hating my sorority and couldn't stand to see any other girls being roped into something horrible like I was. But now I'm in a better place with it, and the meds definitely help, so I'm excited for recruitment! I hope I get a little sister (finally)! I met a really cute sophomore that I definitely wouldn't mind having as a little sister :)


I have been a little weird about food lately. I gorged on chocolate last week, and I don't think it was just because of my period. I just need to not buy the chocolate, and then everything will be fine. I have also read a few pro-ED blogs in the past few days (because I miss my old friends!) and that probably wasn't the best idea. I find myself being jealous of girls who can starve and lose weight easily. While I know that it's not good for me and it doesn't make me happy, I still miss it sometimes. But I have made a commitment to not relapsing while I'm on the Lexapro (or ever, but it feels more important to not relapse on the Lexapro). I feel that starting to take antidepressants is like turning over a new leaf for me. I feel like the person I was before I got depressed and started cutting and started starving/bingeing/purging. So I will not let myself engage in unhappy behaviors while I'm happy like this! I hope that makes sense :)

Well, that's all I've got for now! I hope your day is beautiful. Stay strong <3

Friday, August 20, 2010

One more day...

(This actually is a picture taken at my college, although I'm not in it)

One more day until I go back to school... Today I'm supposed to be packing, but it's 10 am and I don't feel like starting yet. Plus my boyfriend is out shopping at Sam's for snacks for us to take back to school with us, and he has the car so I can't even get to the stuff I need to pack. So for now, I'm stuck on the couch. Poor me (haha, not!). I got to sleep in this morning, which was fantastic! I feel like I haven't gotten to sleep in all summer.

Yesterday was my last day of work! I made brownies for everyone (I'm one of those weirdos who does nice things for other people when it's my special day - on my birthday, I made coconut macaroons for everyone else). My boss and the other office girls got me a "Good Luck!" card and took me out to lunch at Noodles and Co. It was delicious! Thelma and Carly also took my boyfriend and I out to dinner at Fazoli's, which was alright. It was a little awkward because I'm still upset with Carly, but I have to pretend that I'm not.

I also made homemade cards and brownies for all of my bf's parents as a "thank you" for letting me stay at their houses all summer. Here is a picture of the card I made for Patty and Gabi:
Here are the remnants of the brownies I made them two nights ago!
I think they enjoyed them, don't you? They are my special recipe, and they are the richest, most chocolatey brownies I have ever tasted. If you want the recipe, just shoot me a comment. They are delicious! I do realize that this is an ED blog though, so I'm not sure how many of you will actually want to eat brownies :-)

I can't wait to get back to school! I am a little disappointed though, because I just found out that the Sculpture class I was trying to add is full now :-( I was really hoping to take five classes this semester, but maybe this is for the best. I'm still looking to see if there's another class I might want to add instead. But anyway, I seriously can't wait to see all my friends again! I love you guys, but I need people in real life too :)

Well, I hope your Fridays are fantastic! Keep smiling :-)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Need for control

Sometimes I feel like going back to starving, even though I know it's not good for me. I read some of my friends' blogs here (which I shouldn't really do anyway because it's triggering, but they're my friends, I can't just abandon them!) and I miss it. I miss having control like that. I miss the accomplished feeling of losing 2 pounds in a day. I miss meeting my weight goals and being happy all day because of it. I miss knowing that I am stronger than all those people who need to eat. I miss feeling skinny.

It's not that I really want to go back, because I realize that it's not a sustainable lifestyle (for me at least). My original plan was to starve myself skinny and then go into recovery when I got home from school in December. I am going to Australia for study abroad in February, and I don't want to be obsessed with food while I'm over there. I actually want to enjoy myself, not be worried about my weight the whole time! But anyway, I just want the control back. Sometimes I feel like starving was the only thing I was good at, and now what do I have? Of course, deep down I know that's not true. I am a valued employee at my workplace. People appreciate the things I do. I'm a good student (3.76 GPA, thank you very much). I'm intelligent and semi-attractive and I'm good at many things. I just have to believe in myself, I guess.

I haven't weighed myself in a while, and that's good because I'm afraid that I've gained more. I'm definitely scared to face the scale, and I will have to look eventually. Like I've said before, if I get above 190, something will have to change. I think when I get back to school, I'm going to eat like a normal person and not worry too much about what kind of food I'm eating, but I'm going to cut back on the dessert. Last year I ate dessert with practically every meal, and that's not really alright. So I'm thinking that maybe 1 dessert or less per day would be a good start, and then once I get used to that, then I can cut back more if I feel it's necessary. But I don't want to cut it out altogether, because then I'll get obsessive again. Did you know that's what started this relapse in March? I decided to cut out dessert and soda, and within a week I was hardcore restricting and purging again. Wow. It obviously doesn't take much to trigger me, so I have to be careful.

I love you ladies, you know that. You are my sunshines :) Stay strong everyone!

Friday, August 6, 2010

SEX

I love it. Seriously, I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was with my boyfriend again. Let me just say, I have bite marks all over my upper back, and two hickeys on the right side of my neck ;D
BEST SEX EVER.

So basically all I did today was eat, sleep, and have sex. I'm about to have dinner with my bf's parents, his stepsister, and her son. It's a dinner for one of his mom's birthdays (which was actually on Wednesday, but she wanted to wait to celebrate until he got home). We're having yummy vegetable stir fry, and a Dairy Queen cake. I've only eaten two donuts and a little bit of Fiber One cereal today, so I'm super hungry. I didn't not eat on purpose, but I took a nap between noon and 4 pm, and by then it was too late to eat anything! Oopsies...

I hope you all are having a great day!! Thank you for all your wonderful comments. Love you to bits <3 Stay strong!

P.S. Peri, I totally gave him and high five from you, and he laughed :) It was great!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

My boyfriend is coming home!!

My bf is coming home tonight, probably around 9 pm, and I am soooo excited! He sent me this really cute text today that said, "I can wait to see you... naked!" Lol. I can't wait to see him naked either ;) I am seriously deprived. And now that I'm not really depressed anymore (because of the meds and because I'm eating again), I actually have a sex drive! It's great.

I have been doing alright, foodwise, but I've been eating a whole bunch of crap. Like yesterday I ate four cupcakes. Really?? But the good news about that is that I don't really care all that much. I ate the cupcakes and didn't feel guilty about it. Normally I would be beating myself up like crazy over something like that, so this is good news! Also, I mentioned that I ate four cupcakes to my coworker, and she was all like "Oh, you should have had something healthier instead," and I totally didn't mind or care that she knew that I ate so many cupcakes. Normally I would NEVER tell anyone what I ate, and I would be humiliated if they knew. But I didn't really care. It's great!! I don't have the same amount of social anxiety that I used to, and it's fabulous.

So I only have two weeks until I go back to school! Two weeks from tomorrow will be my last day of work. Thank goodness! I love the people I work with, but sometimes the job is just horrible. Not always, but sometimes. However, I got this great phone call today from this lady who wanted therapy who told me that I would make a great therapist someday :) That was good. Today actually went pretty well, compared to the rest of the week. I barely had anything to do, so I actually got to sit around and chat for a bit. I also went to lunch at Panera Bread with my coworkers, which was a lot of fun.

Well, that's about it. Ya'll are great :) Stay strong lovies <3

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Doing my own preparatory psych eval :)

So in preparation for my psych evaluation tomorrow, here is my own psych eval of myself:

Identification: Liz is a twenty-year old Caucasian female who came in today for a medication evaluation.

History of Present Illness: Liz has had an eating disorder since age 14 and was diagnosed with severe bulimia at age 16. She was in recovery for three years, before she relapsed in March. She also has a history of self-injury, beginning at age 13 and continuing today. The last time she self-injured was two weeks ago. She admits to suicidal ideation at times, but not at the current moment. She also describes anxiety and depression symptoms. She says that she is sad and lonely a lot of the time, especially late at night. She has really low self-esteem and says she hates herself a lot of the time. When asked what she liked about herself, she said that she likes her hair color and her organizational skills.
She also gets really anxious about trivial things. She says she can't watch sports or games, such as basketball or swimming, because she gets too anxious about who is going to win or if someone will get hurt. She worries a lot about her work and schoolwork. She is frequently anxious about what people think of her, and she is constantly self-monitoring.

Previous Psychiatric Experience: Liz has never seen a psychiatrist or received psychiatric medication before. She has received counseling in Oregon for her eating disorder when she was 16.

History of Abuse/Unusual Events in Childhood: Liz has a history of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. She was physically and emotionally abused by her mother as a child. She was sexually abused by an older boyfriend when she was 16.

Pertinent Medical History: Liz has chronic Achilles tendinitis from being a dancer. She also has plantar fasciitis. These combined foot/ankle conditions cause limitations to her activity. She cannot stand up or walk around for extended periods of time, making things like shopping or taking walks difficult. She has seen a podiatrist and several physical therapists for this, and wears customized orthotics in her shoes almost daily.
Liz also has a history of migraines. She takes Excedrin Migraine, and that usually makes them go away. Additionally, she has frequent heartburn, probably caused by her bulimia. Recently she has started developing boils, which she is currently on antibiotics to prevent. Her primary care physician suspects that she may have Hidradenitis suppurativa, which may be to blame for the boils.

Family Mental Health History: Maternal mental health history is positive for depression, eating disorders, and bipolar disorder. Paternal mental health history is positive for eating disorders and depression.

Social History: Liz is currently in college and will be a junior in the fall. She is a good student who generally gets A's and B's in her classes. She is currently in a long-term relationship with a man her own age. She currently works at Innovative Counseling. During the school year, she is employed in the AV Media Services department at her college, as well as being an overnight host for prospective students and a tutor for learning disabled students. She is a high achiever. She is involved in Kappa Delta sorority and the Gay-Straight Alliance at her college. She considers herself to be Christian, but is not active in any particular church.

Substance Abuse History: Liz has used marjiuanna in the past, although is not currently using. She also uses alcohol, sometimes to excess, although she does not believe it to be a problem. She smokes occasionally.

Allergies: Liz has seasonal pollen allergies. She is not allergic to any medications that she knows of.

Current medications: Liz is currently taking birth control (Orthocyclen) and an antibiotic for boils.

Strengths and supports: Liz's support system includes her boyfriend, her family, her boyfriend's family, and her close friends (like you guys!!)

Diagnostic Impressions:

Axis I:            Eating Disorder NOS
                      Generalized Anxiety Disorder
                      Depressive Disorder NOS
Axis II:          Deferred
Axis III:        Chronic Achilles tendinitis, migraines, boils
Axis IV:        Moderate stressors
Axis V:         Current GAF: 55

Treatment Plan: I have no idea... some sort of medication, of course. Probably something like Lexapro or Prozac or maybe Topamax? Something. We'll see :) Maybe Alprazelam as needed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wish me luck tomorrow!! I hope it goes well :) Oh also, I want to mention that I'm a vegetarian, so that's why my food plan is devoid of meat.
I love you guys!! You're amazing :) Stay strong everyone <3

Monday, July 26, 2010

Recovery

I have decided to get better. I know that yesterday I said that I didn't want to, but I think that it's the best decision for me now. Here is why:

- I can't concentrate when I'm using my ED symptoms. It affects my work and my school work. And I care more about my grades than being skinny.
- I have WAAAAY less sex drive when I'm using my symptoms, and it makes my romantic relationship with my bf suffer. And that makes our relationship suffer generally, which is bad.
- I have a hard time focusing on my other personal relationships when I'm starving/bingeing because I'm consumed with thinking about my ED and how fat I am, and therefore I isolate myself and have no friends.
- I lie all the time when I'm using my symptoms, and it makes me feel like crap because I'm deceiving those closest to me.
- I hate myself all the time when I'm using my symptoms, and that makes it hard to love anyone else  (like my bf).
- I am really moody and my mood depends upon my weight and how my diet is going. That makes me seem like a crazy person to my friends and family.
- My ED is fucking up my body. I really want to have kids some day and be healthy when I'm old. That's not as possible when I'm starving myself and destroying my organs.

The only things that my ED has done for me are:
a) Helped me organize and control my life
b) Helped me lose weight

So therefore, I need to get better. I want to have a life outside of my ED, and that's really hard right now. I want to enjoy life, to love my boyfriend, to do well in school, and to have children someday.

I will still post on here, but this will become a recovery blog rather than a pro-ED blog. I hope you guys will still follow me and comment, but I obviously understand if you don't want to anymore. I love you guys, and I won't encourage you to recover if you don't want to. I completely understand what you're doing (obviously, since I've done it too), and I know that most of you know that it's unhealthy. I just hope you're careful and don't end up dead :)

Stay strong everyone <3

Sunday, July 18, 2010

NEW PLAN

This is the new plan. It will work.

- Breakfast: Fiber One yogurt (50) or Sugar-free Carnation Instant Breakfast (60)
- Lunch: None (0) or Green Giant broccoli and cheese tray (40)
- Dinner: Salad (50) and whatever else I'm forced to eat (200)
Total calories: 300-350

I will exercise at least 3 times a week. I will not be alone in the house (because then I binge). If I am left alone, I will go out and shop (motivation to lose weight, because I can't fit into anything). I will stay at work as long as possible each night, so as to avoid being at home too much.

When I go back to school on August 21st, here is the plan:
- Breakfast: 4 strawberries (16)
- Lunch: Salad (100)
- Dinner: Salad (100) and whatever else I'm forced to eat
Calories: Maximum 400

I have to lose 70 pounds by December 1st, which is 4 pounds per week. Totally doable! Of course, this assumes that I'm 175 pounds right now... which I'm probably not. This morning I was 179, and I binged again. But I just need to get to 171 by next Monday, and I'll be back on track.

WE CAN DO THIS. Who's with me??

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Well, it couldn't last forever...

Waz up?? How are you all doing? I hope you're doing better than me. I was down to 174 this morning (only 0.8 pounds lost, but oh well). Unfortunately I blew it and binged/purged butter pecan ice cream this afternoon. I definitely got it all out, because after I finished puking all the cold, white goo into the toilet, I started puking up granola chunks that were soaked in Diet Sierra Mist (which is what I ate before I binged). I purged immediately after eating (so immediately that it was still cold when it came back up, wow...), so I probably got it all. But still, I'm crazy so I just want to be sure.

However, after my binge/purge this afternoon, instead of trying to salvage my day I ate a whole bunch for dinner at the moms' house... so I'm thinking that I had around 1500 to 2000 calories for the day :( Why am I so weak?? I will try to fast tomorrow, at least until dinner time. I may need to eat dinner with the moms tomorrow, but I'm sure I can eat lightly.

I am staying at the other moms' house this week (starting tonight). Normally I'd be thrilled that I could be alone, but I always binge like crazy in this house. I am terrified that I will mess up all the hard work I've done in the last week. I definitely already gained from what I ate today :( God, why the hell am I so weak???

I hate myself.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Headache...

I have such an annoying headache today... I woke up with it yesterday morning, and it continued (despite medication, which usually works for me) all throughout yesterday. I took some more ibuprofen this morning at like 3 am when it got really bad, but it was still there when I woke up. It got progressively worse all day, and now I feel like death. I stopped taking ibuprofen, since it's obviously not working, but my boyfriend's parents offered me some Excedrin Migraine about 30 minutes ago to see if that would help. I don't know if it's a migraine, since it's not that bad, but it does make me feel nauseated. All I want to do is sleep. After I post this, I'm going to curl up in my bed and read until I fall asleep. No TV for me tonight (unless the headache  magically goes away, which I doubt it will). Once I had a continuous headache for a whole month, so I really hope that that isn't happening again!

Here is what I ate today:
- Breakfast: None
- Lunch: Yogurt (100), 14 baby carrots (35), and 20 grapes (60)
- Dinner: Grilled cheese sandwich (440, ugg)
Total calories: 635

I have got to start skipping lunch so that I can afford to eat dinner! I can never avoid higher calorie dinners, because I don't want my boyfriend's (therapist) mothers to get suspicious.

I lost two pounds this morning! I won't tell you my weight, but it's still above 175 unfortunately. Once I get back to 175, I will post my weight again. It shouldn't take too long. Today at lunch, there was birthday cake for a coworker's birthday... I hate cake. I mean, I love cake, but I HATE CAKE. It sat in the front office (where I work) ALL FUCKING DAY (I said "fuck" just for you, Madz), and it was staring at me the whole time, saying "Eat me, please! Just one bite. You know you want me!" It was horrible. I hate birthdays. And tomorrow it's someone else's birthday at the office, so there might be MORE cake. Ahhh!!!!

On another, rant-y note, I am really annoyed at my boss. I was hired by my workplace to do counseling with children with autism. But am I doing that? NO. I still haven't done any in-home training, and I've been working at the office for a month. My boss is super, super flaky. She is really busy all the time, and keeps forgetting to schedule me for in-home training. It's not that I don't like working in the front office and filing, but I want to do the job I was hired for! Also (although I know that this shouldn't matter that much), I get paid WAY less when I work in the front office. I only get paid minimum wage ($7.25 per hour) when I work in the front office, but if I was doing my autism job I would get paid $8.50 per hour. I WANT MY MONEY, GODDAMMIT! Grr. I really need this money, because I am studying abroad in Australia during spring semester, and at the present moment I am $4,000 short. I will probably make $4,000 this summer, but only if I actually start doing my autism job. See what I mean?

I hate cake. I love you all! Stay strong :)